Alan and Tara's Day in the City

ALAN AND TARA'S DAY IN THE CITY

Chapter Six

Tara laughed as Alan drove around the city.

"WHERE ARE YOU, FLIPPIN' MCDONALDS?" he screamed out loud. "I NEED A FLIPPIN' FREAKIN' FUCKIN' DRIVE THOUGH! HOW CAN A CITY THIS BIG NOT HAVE MC BLOODY BLINKIN' FLIPPIN' DONALDS?"

"Do you feel better, Uncle Alan?"

"No, now I have a sore throat."

He grinned.

"A SORE THROAT THAT NEEDS TO BE WETTED DOWN WITH A COKE FROM A BLASTED, FLIPPIN', FREAKIN', BLINKIN', BLOONKIN' MC BLOODY HELL D'S!"

Tara was now in hysterics, holding her sides while she laughed.

"ARRRGH!"

"Throat hurt more now?" Tara asked.

"Yes, but I don't care. I wanna express myself and tell the world that Detroit seems to have no McDonald's in it!"

They turned down another street and drove up it.

"Where are yooooooooooou, McDonalds?" Alan sang loudly as he drove. "I been missing you all of my liiiiiiife! Where are you, flippin' McDonalds? I need you now more than my wiiiiiiife!"

Tara bent over laughing again.

"I hope you find it soon cause I gotta pee now," she said to Alan.

"Well, for goodness sake's, not in our Camaro, please," Alan said. "The interior is…MCDONALDS!"

Tara looked where he was pointing and saw the golden arches up ahead. She gasped when Alan sped up.

"Hey, don't crash the car on the way there!" she said while Alan laughed.

"Nah, I'll be careful!" he said.

He slowed down when they got to the entrance and pulled in. Tara frowned when he pulled into a parking space.

"I thought we were going through the drive through," she said.

"Una momento, I must get ready," he said to her.

"Huh?" Tara said.

Alan reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out a copy of the Doctor's glasses and his screwdriver. Tara watched with interest while he used the screwdriver to tint the lenses. He put the screwdriver back and put on the glasses.

"There, now how do I look?" he said.

"Like an even bigger dork."

Tara screamed out laughter as Alan thrust his fingers into her armpits.

"I'M A STUD! SAY IT!"

"NO!" Tara squealed.

"I'm a stud…say…it…"

"OKAY, YOU'RE A STUD!"

"Naturally," Alan said, sniffing as he took his hands away. "Now, let's go through the drive through so I can impress the chicks."

Tara snorted and hunkered down when Alan raised his eyebrow and wiggled his fingers. He had a sudden thought and poked her.

"OOOO, I know, dare me to do something!" he said to her.

"What? What do you want me to dare you to do?"

"Repeat after me…Uncle Alan…"

"Uncle Alan," Tara said.

"I dare you…"

"To go through the drive through…"

"And when you get to the menu…"

"Order filet mignon and red wine."

Tara snickered.

"Order filet mignon and red wine," she repeated.

She giggled when Alan gave her a shocked look.

"Why Tara, that's outrageous, how could you even think of something like that?"

Tara grinned and shrugged.

"Dare I do that and order something McDonalds doesn't even have?" he muttered to himself.

"Come on, take a chance and be wacky!" Tara said.

"I like your moxie, kid," Alan said, pointing at her.

"Oh God," Tara said to herself as Alan pulled out of the parking spot, "this oughta be good."

"Nah, I won't do that," Alan said as they pulled into the line for the drive through. "Takes too much time and I wanna be in and out with our food."

"Awwww," Tara moaned.

Alan raised his eyebrow.

"You're a bad influence on me, you know that?" he said as she laughed. "Your dad needs to be told about you."

"He knows, I told you we do stuff like this all the time when we're alone."

"Such as?"

Tara giggled.

"Okay, one time, we went to this planet and there was this weird witch that lived in the woods. Daddy and I went in there and knocked on her door and ran away before she could see us."

"Aha, prank knocking old witches, I like that!"

"But we weren't doing it just to be doing it. The witch was terrorizing this town and we were doing it to make her angry enough that she'd come out so we could trap her."

"And did you?"

"Yeah, we knocked a few more times and then when that didn't work, Daddy finally went up to her window and pressed his face against it and made this cross-eyed face and she ran out screaming at him."

She thought.

"Then he ended up washing his mouth out because her window was reeeeeally dirty."

Alan giggled at that.

"I can see that," he said.

They got up to the menu and Alan rolled down the window.

"I want a big mac meal with a Coke," Tara said to him.

"Do you want it garganto sized?"

"No," she said.

"May I help you?" a woman said through the speaker.

Alan grinned at Tara.

"Do the filet mignon thing," Tara whispered.

Alan jerked his head around.

"Yes, I'd like two Big Mac meals with two large Cokes, please," he said into the speaker.

"Chicken."

She giggled when Alan flipped her off while he stared at the menu.

"Is that all, Sir?"

"Filet Mignon!" Tara said louder.

"Yes."

"Double chicken!"

Alan held both hands up and flipped her off twice while he stared at the menu.

"That'll be nine fifty five, pull around," the lady said.

"What? That's daylight robbery!" Alan yelled at the speaker.

Tara roared with laughter as he hit the gas and quickly went around. He pulled up behind the car that was in front of him and grinned at Tara.

"You were saying something about being a chicken?" he said sweetly.

"Your food's gonna get spit in it."

"Eh, I don't care. I'll live," he said, shrugging.

He reached in, got the wallet and pulled out the cash while he waited for the other car to finish paying.

"Come on, you big burly son of a bitch in the other car, we're hungry!" Alan yelled.

Tara laughed when he quickly ducked down.

"Did he see me? Is he coming over here with a baseball bat to murder me?" Alan said to Tara.

"No, he pulled up to get his food."

"He did? Chicken," Alan said as she giggled.

He pulled up to the first window. He smiled sweetly at the blonde haired teenager in the window while he rested his right arm casually over the top of the steering wheel and tried to look studly.

"Hello," he said in a smooth voice as Tara fought to keep from laughing.

"Hi!" the blonde said cheerfully as she took the money from him.

"Not yet, but I could be if we had drugs!" Alan said in a low voice as she turned to her register.

He sniggered when Tara hit his arm. He accepted his change.

"Thank you," he said in the smooth voice as he gave her a million watt grin.

"You're welcome, have a nice day!"

"I most certainly wiiiiill," he purred.

Tara burst out laughing when they pulled up to the next window. When they got there they saw a teenager with long brown hair filling the order. She glanced at them and smiled.

"It'll be a moment," she said to them.

Alan nodded and smiled. He waited till she moved a couple of feet from the open drive through window.

"Better be a moment, bitch, I'm hungry and I'm timin' ya!" he said.

Tara threw her hands over her mouth trying not to laugh. He smiled sweetly when the women came to the window and gave them their Cokes.

"Be just a moment on the fries, Sir," she said.

Alan nodded and smiled. Tara giggled when he flipped her off the moment her back was turned and then whistled innocently. He looked at the window.

"They're not called fries, they're chips, get it right, Ho Bag," he said in a low voice.

Tara was bent over, laughing silently as Alan looked ahead and whistled innocently. He loudly drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and looked in the window at the woman who was shoveling the fries in the boxes.

"Come on, Ho Bag, stomach's a' growlin'!" he said

Tara coughed and laughed at the same time as Alan once again went back to his innocent whistle. He smiled and accepted the bag when the teen brought it to him.

"Have a good day, Sir," she said sweetly.

"You too," he said, just as sweetly.

Tara roared with laughter when he quickly stepped on the gas and screamed out, "BURN IN HELL, HO BAG!" as he headed towards the exit.

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