GROWTH
Reviews
Page Updated: 07/20/08

Home          Doctor Who Main Page

07/16/08
anonymous
Chapter 1

Great, wonderful story, love the realistic reaction--but, and NOT a criticism, but your writing will improve even more, of you dont' just jump from one scene to the next. (I used to have this problem before my professor got on me about it)...you maybe should think about cluing readers in on sudden scene changes. For example--I got confused for a second when you went from, "she walked away..." to "So, so sorry, Brent."

This is ONLY a suggestion, and you certainly don't have to take it, but try thinking about introducing a new scene, like, "(Saph went back inside to the flat...")

Also, again, just one writer's advice to another, and not a criticism, use the character's name when beginning a new paragraph, instead of "she" or "he", again, only for the reader's sake, and then they will not be in doubt about who is talking or doing something.

I spent five years of my life studying writing, and I STILL make mistakes! (My spelling stinks)

But, even without any changes, this is a really terrific first story. You've the makings of a fine writer, and I deem it a real and genuine privelige to read your work. Look forward to chapter 2!

Very nice. Top marks.