LIFE WITH THE FAMILY
Chapter Four "I can't believe I'm doing this." The Doctor chuckled while he and his wife put on spacesuits. The family was at a space station resort and one of the things that were offered to guests was a thirty minute spacewalk outside the station. The Doctor and Rain both decided to do it and they were currently putting on the gear for their trip out. The Doctor had no difficulty getting his gear on but Rain was having a bit of trouble. She eyed her husband when he giggled at her. "Well, I'm sorry, I've never done this before, unlike you," she said. "Here, love, let me help you," he said, coming over to her. "Thanks. God, this thing is bulky," Rain said. "It's like wearing a trash bag." She looked at him. "We're in the year 6467. You mean to tell me that no one has invented a skintight spacesuit that allows you total freedom of movement?" "Nope." "Well, you need to get to work on that right away, dear," she said. While the Doctor was adjusting the spacesuit, he glanced at her hair. Normally, she let it hang down her back or in a braid but at the moment it was up in a tight braided bun. The Doctor made a face. "Don't like your hair this way. It makes you look too schoolmarmish," he said. "Well, I'm sorry, Thete but I have to have it up so it doesn't get caught in the suit," she said. "I could cut it but you'd probably throw a fit if I did." "Too right I would." "Well, then you'll have to put up with the Little House on the Prairie schoolmarm bun for now. I'll have my helmet on anyway so you won't be able to see it." "Yeah, but…I'll know it's there." He giggled when she shot him a look. "Well, you'll only have to suffer for thirty minutes then," she said. He finished adjusting the straps on her suit and she looked down at it. "Damn, it's hot in here." "Well, it'll be cold in space so you'll appreciate it being hotter than hell in a moment," he replied. He finished up and gave her a kiss on the neck. "That's to hold ya until the helmet comes back off," he said. "No kinky space sex then?" she said. He raised his eyebrow when she giggled. "Not unless you want the management to cut the lifelines and leave us drifting forever in deep space." "That's okay; we'll just switch to our respiratory bypass systems and survive that way." "Um…I was hoping you knew this being a Time Lady and all, but that doesn't work forever. Eventually we do have to breathe again," he said to her. "Kinda like aquatic mammals have to do when the dive under the water? Eventually they have to come up for air?" "If you like," the Doctor said, grabbing his helmet. She grinned. "So…Time Lords are basically the dolphins of the universe then." She laughed when her husband turned and gave her an odd look. "Okay, I guess if you want to use that freaky little analogy, yes." "So, we're the dolphins of the universe…or whales…or killer whales." She laughed harder when she saw the odd look on his face. "Yes, my love, that's what you and I are. The killer whales of the universe," he said, handing her the helmet. "So instead of calling you Thete or Sprinkles, I can call you Orca?" "No." "Shamu?" "No. I will divorce you if you refer to me as Shamu." "Flipper then?" "No." "Um…Free Willy?" She sniggered when the Doctor shook his head. "Put your helmet on, dearest," he said. "Sure thing, Moby Dick." She dodged when the Doctor tried to swat her head. He gave her a kiss on the lips before he put her helmet on and locked it into place. "How's that feel?" he asked. "Well, from the neck down it feels like I'm in a garbage bag and from the neck up, it feels like I'm in a fishbowl." "Good, it's working then." He laughed when she poked his arm. She watched while he put his helmet on. After that, he helped his wife with the jet propulsion pack that would allow them to move around. He slid it onto her back and put the leather straps containing the controls around her gloves. Then she helped him do the same and finally a man came in and attached the lifelines to a nozzle on the back of their suits. "Are you two ready?" he asked. They nodded. "Alright, it'll take about four minutes and then the outer door will open." He went out and sealed the door behind him. "Here we go," the Doctor said, glancing at her. "This is so exciting. I can't believe I'm going into outer space. I just hope the minute we get out there, there isn't some monster that's gonna jump out at us." "Oh! There won't be." "How can you be sure?" "Because I'm clever." "I'm clever too which is why I don't rule out the possibility of a monster out there." "There is no monster, dear." "Really, what about the living sun that Bro told me about?" "That wasn't a monster. It was a living organism." "But it possessed you and a bunch of other people." "Okay, yes, that's because it was angry that it got a part of it taken for fuel. It possessed me because it wanted to use me to kill everyone else." "Can I ask you something about that?" "What?" "What in the hell possessed you to look at the sun in the first place? You aren't supposed to stare directly at suns, ya dork, you go blind. I knew that before I became a Time Lady. I learned that in elementary school. Why were you looking at it?" "I was trying to make sure the capsule with Martha was coming back to the ship and I became mesmerized by it." "Yes, but you couldn't have waited till you got inside to look at it? You're lucky you didn't burn your eyeballs out." "Well, considering we were minutes away from the sun burning our bodies, I s'pose it didn't matter much at the time." "But you couldn't have just looked really quickly and then glanced away?" She giggled when he stared at her. "I'm just saying, love, that you have to be concerned about your eyesight. You don't wanna end up blind until you regenerate. Eye safety is very important." "Thank you, Matron, for that safety tip," he said while she laughed harder. "I'm so sorry you weren't around back then to scream at me not to look." "Well, you should have looked somewhere else besides the sun." "Latara, we were about a thousand miles from it and minutes from plunging in. The sun was huge at that time, it was a little hard not to look at it." "Should have kept your eyes closed." She giggled when he tried to grab at her. "Okay, we're opening the outer door now," they heard the man say on the communicators inside their helmets. The door slowly slid down in front of them. The Doctor looked around and saw her squeezing her eyes shut. "There, no living sun directly in front of us, it's safe to look," the Doctor said to her. "It's a good thing," she said, opening them while he rolled his eyes. They pushed a button on the strap on their right hands and flew out into the blackness of space. They went out as far as the lifeline would allow and then stopped. Both of them looked around in awe. "It's beautiful!" Rain said breathlessly. "That it is. Molto Bene, Bellisimo." "Ma petite chou chou." She giggled when the Doctor glanced at her. "Ma petite chou chou?" he said. "Yeah, if you're gonna start spouting off foreign words, I'll do the same." "Yeah but at least my foreign words fit the moment unlike my little cabbage," he said. "Okay, how about merda then?" She laughed when the Doctor's mouth dropped open. "Did you understand that?" she asked innocently. "Yes, dear, you just said shit in Italian and I have half a mind to wash your filthy little gob out with a bar of soap." "And you've never had an urge to just yell out a swear word in a foreign language and giggle when no one knew what it meant?" "Not really, no." "Not even to Davros?" "No, I'm too busy trying to stay alive to think of swearing at him in foreign languages." "See, that's why you need me around to help you think up these things." She laughed when he eyed her. "Yes, dear, thanks for helping me think of ways I can make people even angrier at me and thereby increase the chances of dying a violent death." "You're welcome. What's a devoted wife for?" "Apparently a devoted wife's for driving me insane." She laughed when he flew away from her while she tried to bump into him. She stopped and smiled when he stopped a few feet away. They turned and went back to staring at the stars together. "You know what this moment needs?" the Doctor said. "What, dear?" "An on the spot poem." He made a fist, put it on the shield directly over his mouth and cleared his throat. He held one finger up in the air while he said melodramatically. "Oh, universe. "Wow, Thete, that was certainly…something," Rain said. "You didn't enjoy it?" "I said it was something." "Something, what?" "Something egotistical." "It was not egotistical. I have saved this universe many times." He pointed to a star in the distance. "See, that planet way over there? I've saved it a total of 95 times." He pointed to a star off to his right. "And that one? I've saved it 62 times." He pointed to a star above them. "That one I've only saved 23 times but I didn't discover it until recently." "How many times have you saved the Earth?" "678,902 and ½ times." "What was the half?" "Oh, I was fighting these little sponge monsters named Whirligigs. Little buggers were running around, tiring me out and I finally was so exhausted I passed out and they burrowed deep below the Earth and were never heard from again. They sorted themselves out but I helped so I consider that half a time." "Whatever, love," she said while he laughed. She frowned while she watched him fly over to her. He stopped in front of her, turned so his back was facing her and bent over. Rain stared at him in confusion. "What are you doing?" "Farting." He laughed and straightened up when Rain quickly flew the other way. "Oh, you can smell it? Blimey, my spacesuit must have a leak." He giggled when she flipped him off. He gave her an evil grin. "Let's play dodge-em cars in outer space, love," he said. Her eyes widened when he began to zoom towards her. She quickly flew towards the station. She turned after several feet and noticed him turning to face her with the wicked grin on his face. "Don't you dare bump into me," she said to him. "Okay, we'll play joust, then," he said. "We'll come towards each other and slap each other's helmets as hard as we can and the first person to make the other one spin in space is the winner." "That's okay, Thete, let's don't and say we did." "Aw, come on, one jousting match, please?" "Do you know there could be people watching us?" "Sod em! If they have nothing better to do than to watch a loony married couple chase each other around outer space, that's their problem. I'm having fun out here." He began to fly towards her and Rain started to turn. "No, stay there. I'm not gonna bash into ya, I promise." She stopped and watched while he eased off on the propulsion and floated gently up to her body. He took a hold of her. "Now for a bit of a snog," he said. She laughed when he kept bumping his helmet repeatedly against hers and feigning shock. "What's this?" he said while she giggled. "I…I want to kiss you but there's some kind of invisible force field in our way. Why can't I reach you? What demonic forces are at work here that won't allow me to go spelunking in my wife's mouth?" He paused. "Oh wait; I have a helmet on, how daft of me. I'm getting forgetful in my old age," he said. "Blast, I wanted a snog and I'm sure the minute I removed our helmets our heads would go ka-boom. Drat, why did I agree to come out here?" "Oh, you poor baby, lost without my lips," Rain said. He tapped her face shield with his gloved hand. "There's gotta be a way to reach those luscious, wet lips. But how?" he mused while she laughed. His eyes widened when she puckered up. "Arrgh, don't torture me like that! Don't you know what that's doing to me?" She glanced down at his crotch. "Wow, it's interesting that right after I said that, that's the first place you looked," he said while she laughed harder. "Must be that filthy mind at work again." His eyes widened when he suddenly had an image in his mind of her and him butt naked having sex in outer space. He eyed Rain who was feigning innocence. "Love, did you just project something incredibly smutty and titillating into my mind just then?" She shook her head. "No, I would never do that, Thete. I'm only thinking of fluffy white kittens right now." "Uh-huh," he said while she laughed. He glanced back at the open door. "I think our time's nearly up now, Latara," he said. She groaned. "I know, I feel the same way. I love being out here alone with you having a bit of fun. It's a nice change from the running and drama we usually have. But time's nearly up. So, you wanna go find something else to do?" "Like what?" "Oh, I don't know, how 'bout their anti-gravity restaurant…with bibs?" "Bit messy, isn't it?" He grinned. "Yeah but we can always lick each other clean afterwards," he said, waggling his eyebrows. She raised her eyebrow. "That image I sent into your mind did titillate you, didn't it?" "In the worst way," he said. She laid her shield against his and stared into his loving brown eyes. "Okay, let's go eat then." "Molto bene!" "Merda!" She laughed when his mouth dropped open. "You've got quite a cheeky little mouth on you, did anyone ever tell you that?" he said. "Just you, dear." He grinned and winked. They turned and flew hand in hand back to the station.
Thou art wonderful in thy majesty.
Thy inky blackness is like a thick fluffy blanket covering me at night when I go to sleep.
I have saved thee many times.
Get down upon thy inky knees and kiss my arse for my all-encompassing merciful goodness.
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