In the barren meadow, the wind blew incessantly, as the waves beat their timeless rhythm upon the shore. It was a small island, not very populated, but the sheep liked it. However, their peaceful grazing was interrupted by a rauncous wheezing and groaning noise. Bleating their protests, the ewes scattered across the meadow.

The Tardis door opened, and a tall broadshoulded man with close cropped hair, sporting a long leather jacket, emerged. He was followed by by a blond haired girl with short shorts and and a pink jacket.

“Where are we, Doctor?” He looked around him. He felt a slight pang. The scenery reminded him of some parts of Galifrey. He sniffed the salty air. “Somewhere off the coast of Ireland, I think.”

The Doctor spotted a solitary house nearby. He grinned at Rose. “What say we go and chat up the neighbours? How ’bout it?” He gave her his arm and they started off.

He knocked on the door of the house. It was opened by an old priest, who seemed to have contracted some horrible diesase and smelled like a distillery. The old man scowled at the Doctor and asked, “Drink?” The Doctor said, “Uhhh-sorry, no. Don’t have any.” The old man yelled, “Then feck off!” and slamed the door in their faces.

The Doctor tilted his head incredulously, and looked at Rose. She knocked. This time, the door was answered by a woman who seemed to be the housekeeper. She reminded Rose of the mean sourpuss dinner lady at her old school. She looked at Rose’s attire very disapprovingly.

“Hello, we’re…” She began, but was interrupted. “Sorry. We’re not buying anything today. G’wan with ‘ya.” “But, we’re not…” Rose said. The woman in the apron frowned. “Did ya’ not hear me? G’wan with ya.” “But…” Rose said. The woman waved her away. “G’wan, g’wan, g’wan, g’wan, g’wan, g’wan–G’WAN! And she slammed the door in their faces.

Not to be deterred, the Doctor heaved a great sigh and knocked again. This time the door was opened by a fresh faced young preist, with a slightly bovine expression.

“Ah, yes, ah…can I help you then?” The Doctor gave him his best smile. “Hello. My friend and I have only just arrived, and we were wondering if you could tell us where we are?”

The young priest smiled–then looked utterly confused. “Now, then, uh, that depends. Umm–do you mean where you are right here, or where you are in Ireland? Or where you are in the United Kingdom? Or where you are in the world—” He paused and seemed a tad dazed by all of his musings. “Or is this one of those fancy questions those phiosophers are always asking? Wait!” He paused again, now seemingly totally confounded.

“Where was I?” He asked the Doctor. The Doctor gave a disgusted sigh. “I just wanted to know where this place is located. He said slowly and patiently…or as patiently as he could get, under the circumstances. “If you don’t mind my asking father, by any chance, were you dropped on your head as a baby?”

The young preist thought that one over. “Yes. No. I mean…I don’t know.” He looked behind him. “Uhh–here come’s Ted, I’ll just ask him, why don’t I?” He closed the door on the pair.

The door opened again, moments later, this time by a nice looking middleaged preist with prematurely grey hair. He saw the Doctor standing there and said. “We have enough coal, thank you.” And started to close the door. Then he saw Rose. Immeadiately his face brightened. “Well, hello there. And what’s your name?”

“I’m Rose Tyler,” she said, “and this is…” He leered at her in a very un-preistly fashion. “Well, hello, Rose Tyler. Would you care to come in for a drink?” Then, as if remembering himself, stammered, “Uh–I-I mean, you’re probably thirsty from the long walk.”

But the Doctor noticed all the while, just where the priest’s eyes were wandering, and he didn’t like that. Not one whit. Grabbing Rose’s arm he said, “Um–thanks but I think we’ll just head on back to our transport. It’s getting a bit late. Nice meeting ‘ya.”

Back in the Tardis, Rose watched the central column rise up and down. “So–where’re we off ta’ now, Doctor?” “Someplace normal. Las Vegas.”