SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
A/N: For those who don’t know, the commercial is a real ad and the jingle below is in one of them. They’ve run their ads 80 bazillion times since they started which means there’s been a lot of times when I’ve had the damn jingles stuck in my head so what better way for Alan to torment Rose than to learn it and sing it to her ;) Chapter Seventy “Oh Lord,” Rose muttered. They were lying on their beds watching television while the storm raged outside. Several times over the past couple of hours a commercial for free credit report dot com had played and Alan had quickly memorized the jingle and was tormenting Rose with it while Awinita laughed hysterically. Now he was at it again. “They say a man should always dress for the job he wants. “God help me,” Rose muttered. “What? It’s a nifty little tune. Makes me want to go online and check my credit,” Alan said. “Please do that, so you can get away from me and give me some peace from that stupid song,” Rose said. Awinita giggled. “I know how you feel, Rose. They play that over and over and I’m sick of it too.” “I’m sick of it and it’s only been half a night since I first heard it.” “I’m not sick of it. I love it. It’s catchy and fun. Maybe we can make it our song.” “No! Hell no, don’t you dare!” Rose said. He gave her a kiss. “Okay, but we still gotta keep our ears open for the perfect song,” he said. “Have you guys thought of a Disney song since you got engaged here?” Awinita asked. “Hmm, good idea, there’s tons of heartwarming romantic Disney ditties we could choose from,” Alan said. “How about Someday My Prince Will Come?” Awinita said. “What’d you mean, someday? Her prince is already here, thank you very much,” he said. Rose giggled. “How about the Circle of Life. You know, from the day they arrive on the planet, blinking, step into the sun,” she said, giving him a pointed look. Alan rolled his eyes. “Good job the Sycorax leader didn’t know what The Lion King was otherwise the Doctor would have had some explaining to do,” he said. “But, nah, I don’t like that. Unless we do the Can You Feel the Love Tonight song.” “That one’s pretty,” Rose said. “I wouldn’t mind that being our song. But there’s one I like even better.” “And that is…” “The Phil Collins one from Tarzan. The You’ll Be in My Heart song. I’ve always loved it.” “I love that one too,” Awinita said. “You oughta pick that one.” Rose looked at Alan when he started muttering the lyrics to himself. He got halfway through the song and nodded. “Yes, I think that song fits us, if you want that to be our song, that’s fine,” he said. “Then I choose that as our song.” He smiled. “Bellissima! One more vital lover’s ritual taken care of. Now we have something to dance to at our wedding.” Rose put his arm around his chest and held him while Alan gave her a kiss on the forehead. The show they were watching ended. “What do you wanna watch now?” Rose asked them. “Um, I think Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader is on. You guys ever seen that?” “I think so. But in England, it’s called Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old if that’s the show I’m thinking of,” Rose said. “That’s cool if you wanna watch it. Go ahead and change it.” Awinita changed the channel. “Yup, this is the same show,” Rose said when the program came on. “What is wrong with these people?” Rose glanced at Alan. He gestured to the TV. “These people can’t answer these simple little questions? Forget ten year olds, two day old Gallifreyans could answer this stuff. It boggles my mind that they actually have to stop and think of the answer.” “Well not everyone is a super genius like you, dear,” Rose teased. “What d’ya mean, super genius? How smart do you have to be to know the square root of 81? It’s 9! What’s so difficult about that?” Both women laughed when Alan stared at the screen in shock. “He has to have a hint now? Come on, you stupid git, it’s 9!” “I don’t think he can hear you through the TV, Alan,” Awinita said. “Well, I wish he could because the man’s completely thick. Rose, find a way to get me on this show. I’ll win us a million dollars without breaking a sweat. I’ll win the money in thirty seconds flat and I won’t need anyone’s help, much less help from a ten year old.” “Alan, you’d think the same thing about people on Mastermind,” Rose said. “Well, I can’t help it if I’m brilliant,” Alan said. “All these questions are far too simple for me. That’s why I don’t like to watch these shows. Earthlings for the most part aren’t very advanced when it comes to your schooling. You’re still taught the most basic subjects, subjects that my people got in the nursery. Even your puzzles are too simple. I tried Earth Sudoku and I finished it in thirty seconds. Now Quantum Algebra Sudoku…there’s a challenge.” Awinita looked at Rose. “I’m afraid to ask what that is,” she said. “Best not to ask, just nod and pretend you understand everything, it works with the Doctor.” She gave him an innocent look when he eyed her. “Yes, he knew all too well that you used to fake interest in what he was saying, don’t think he didn’t cotton on to that,” Alan said. “Probably explains why he had to save your hide most of the time because you were tuning him out.” “Oi, I listened when I could understand what he was saying,” she protested. “It’s a little hard to follow what he was saying when he was using all these terms I’d never heard before.” “That’s where dictionaries and encyclopedias come in; they’re extremely useful when you don’t know something.” “Oh yeah, that would have gone over like a lead balloon. The Doctor talking while I’m holding a dictionary trying to look up words. He would have grabbed the book, thumped me with it and told me to pay attention to him! So unfortunately that suggestion wouldn’t have done me any good.” “How about when the Doctor had finished talking? Couldn’t you have gone back and looked it up then?” “Uh, no, because half the time motor mouth was going so fast I didn’t pick up half the technical terms he was spouting off. Then he was usually pulling me out the door to go somewhere or we started running from a monster and I forgot everything he said.” “Ah, Rose, Rose, Rose, he told you once that books were one of the best weapons you could ever have. You should have taken that to heart.” “You mean, books are heavy and you can slug people with them?” Awinita said. “No,” he said while Rose laughed. “I mean that knowledge is power. A lot of Earthlings are too busy planted in front of the telly instead of sticking their nose in a book and actually learning something. You don’t learn much when you’re sitting in front of a telly watching Strictly Come Dancing while you shove crisps in your mouth.” “Yes, dear,” Rose said, patting his chest. She laughed when Alan shot her a look. “Well, what else am I supposed to do? Last time I looked, Disneyworld didn’t have a library so I can’t very well go and get a dictionary, can I? I get your point. Knowledge is power, now will you calm down and let Awinita watch her program?” Alan gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry, I inherited the urge to rant from the Doctor.” “No worries, I like when you rant. It’s another cute thing you do.” Rose laughed when Alan’s mouth dropped open. “Are you coming on to me now or something? Everything I do lately seems to be cute to you.” “It is. You’re a very cute and sweet guy. But as for coming on to you, I’m not. I’m just teasing. You’re Rose’s…man.” “Well, thank you for calling me a man this time,” he said. “You’re welcome, freckly face.” Rose laughed hysterically while Alan looked skyward. Unfortunately, the storm didn’t let up and the three of them were forced to stay in the room for the night. Awinita went to take a shower while Rose and Alan lay together under the covers. Both of them had their hands down each other’s pants touching each other’s genitals and moaning softly. They did that until they heard the shower shut off and with a passionate kiss they eased up and went back to holding one another. Awinita emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. “I can’t believe tomorrow is our last day here,” she said, sitting down on her bed. “This has been so much fun.” “I know, damn that hurricane for interrupting it,” Alan said. “But we can have fun elsewhere. We still got a big old country to explore and a whole world after that. Much to see, much to do. Besides there’s Disneyland, Tokyo Disney, Euro Disney…” “I knew that was comin’” Rose muttered when he grinned at her. “Yes, isn’t that convenient for us? Here we are at Disneyworld and then right across the country is Disneyland and then as soon as we cross the Pacific to Japan…Tokyo Disney! Three Disney parks in a row!” “Shame we’re not going to any of them,” Rose said. She ducked under the covers when Alan shot her a look. He pulled down the covers. “What was that? I didn’t hear you right, space dust in my ears. Sounded like you said we’re not going to any more Disney parks,” he said. “You heard right. I had to pay out the nose to get us in here. You wanna go to the others, get a job and pay for us to get in.” Alan glanced at Awinita. “’Scuse me, quick financial meeting!” He jerked the covers up over their heads as Awinita snickered. “There’s nothing to talk about,” she heard Rose say. “You get a job and make some money and we’ll go to the others. It cost about 600 dollars for all of us to do this. You wanna go to the other Disney parks? Then find a way to earn 1800 dollars.” “Fine, I’ll sell crafts out of the back of the car then,” she heard Alan say. There was a long pause. “What kind of crafts?” Rose finally said. “Um…pipe cleaner dolls?” Awinita giggled at that which caused Rose to start laughing. “Pipe cleaner dolls?” she said, amused. “And where are you gonna get the pipe cleaners to make these dolls?” “Go out by the interstate and prostitute that pretty boy baby face of yours?” Awinita said. There was a pause and then both women laughed when Alan pulled down the cover to his chin and eyed her. “No comments from people outside the meeting,” he said to her. He pulled the covers back up over his head. “I will just ignore Awinita’s suggestion and throw out one of my own, which is, you will buy me the pipe cleaners.” “Me? Then how are we supposed to make money on these pipe cleaner dolls when I’m buying the materials? How many you gonna make and who’s gonna buy them?” “I will take each question in turn and say…we will make money because they’ll be a cute novelty item, I will make as many as it takes to raise the money I need and people who like cute novelty items that make fun and fascinating conversation pieces. That answer all your queries in full?” “No, how are you gonna sell them when we’re on the road?” “We’ll be stopping every few minutes and spend a couple of hours roadside while I sell our goods.” “P’eh, guess again, Alan.” “I thought you wanted to delay going back to London.” “I don’t want to sit in the people carrier all bleedin’ day while you flog your stupid pipe cleaner crap!” she said while Awinita laughed hysterically. She heard both of them laugh and then she smiled when she heard kissing sounds coming from under the blanket. Turning her attention to the TV, she concentrated on it and blocked out the sounds of her friend’s snogging.
So why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant?
It’s all because some hacker stole my identity.
Now I’m in here every evening serving chowder and ice tea.
Shoulda gone to freeeeeee credit report dot com.
I coulda seen this coming at me like an atom bomb.
They monitor your credit and send you email alerts,
So, you don’t end up sellin’ fish to tourists in t-shirts.”
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