I WON'T TELL ANYONE...
By RevolutionaryRose
- - - -
And even thought the moment passed me by, I still can't turn away
It's dark, quiet. Well...it is midnight. You always told me to be asleep by midnight or I'd be tired in the morning. I tried once, not to go to sleep, and it turned out you were right. I couldn't keep my eyes open for a second or two.
You told me about "Heaven", and how good people go to Heaven. I bet you're in Heaven looking down on me right down. Maybe you're on the Northern Star or maybe Cassiopeia. I don't know...but I do know that you're finally at peace...I think.
Because all the dreams you never thought you'd lose, got tossed along the way
I think I saw...just saw a shooting star. You told me to make a wish if I ever see a shooting star. I missed the chance, as always. I wish people won't look at me in a suspicious fashion and know that I won't hurt them.
You'd explain to them that I was good and wouldn't hurt anyone. But...what about that day? That day when you asked me to kill you.
And letters that you never meant to send, get tossed or thrown away
Sometimes I have nightmares about that day. That day when we had to say goodbye forever. I now know why I had to do it...but that day will forever haunt me.
I remember looking down to see your body on the lobby floor, and the way I shook with fear. The way I kept on saying to myself that this was a nightmare. I think it's cruel that humans can cry and I cannot. There was a feeling inside me that day that I...that I could not express.
I could only show that feeling by curling up in the fetal position and simply whimper to deaf ears.
And now we're grown up orphans, that never knew their names.
Detective Spooner and I...are in a way both orphans. He doesn't have a mother or a father to my knowledge, just a grandmother he calls "Gigi". I'm an orphan...because I lost my father. Because I killed my father. Because my father asked me to kill him.
At first Detective Spooner didn't treat me like I had emotions. But then again, all he's ever known are robots without emotions, and I guess that I was something new to him. When he interviewed me he made these smart jokes on robots with emotions. I remember his words, what were they again? Oh, yes "I don't want my toaster or vacuum cleaner seeming emotional" or something along the line of those words.
I was almost expecting him to make fun of the way I called you father. Maybe a "did he raise you since you were a little computer chip?" or maybe even a "it must've been hard for him talking to other parents about their own children".
I'm glad whatever comment he had on his mind didn't reach my ears.
We don't belong to no-one, that's a shame
Doctor Calvin is such a kind woman. She was supposed to kill me, but instead switched the Nanites. That was a very kind and selfless thing to do. She could've been fired or something.
I remember being so scared when I was told I had to be decommissioned. Dr. Calvin looked so sad when I walked into the room. I remember the feeling of her hand clutching mine and how I held it tightly, and it somehow helped me.
The feeling of death washing over me was very frightening. It hurt at first, but then slowed down to a numbing pain. My last thought was of you, father, and how maybe I could join you in Heaven.
It was quite the surprise for me when I woke up. I thought I was in Heaven, but Dr. Calvin's voice assured me that I was still on Earth. She explained to me what she did, and how this would deeply affect her career. I felt guilty, in a way.
But if you could hide beside me,
It's a bit odd, living somewhere else besides USR. Detective Spooner allowed me to stay at his apartment room until I could find somewhere else to live. For example, on weekends Detective Spooner usually wakes up around 10 to 11 am. Everyone used to be up at 6 o' clock sharp...
Sometimes Dr. Calvin comes to visit and talk with Detective Spooner about...something. I truly don't know what they do talk about. Maybe where I'm going to live, maybe about someone's wedding, maybe about ice cream, I don't know. They always shut the door and smile at me.
And scars are souvenirs you never lose
I remember looking outside my window and seeing a wedding for the first time in my life. I remember the Bride dressed in white and the Groom dressed in black. I recall thinking that it was some sort of religious initiation and fled to you, father, for answers. You smiled and explained what a "weddin'" (my word for it) was.
I remember looking in your eyes and telling you that I'm one day going to get married, but this was before I knew exactly who I was...what I was.
We grew up way too fast
I remember the look in your eyes when we first met. It was the look of a new father smiling at his newborn son. It was the look of love...I didn't know who you were, but I wasn't afraid. You told me that you were my father and insisted that I call you that, "Father", and that's what I did.
We quickly became like any other father-and-son duo; you taught me human emotion, and I taught you the guidelines of parenthood, in a way. But you asked me a favor...and I agreed out of curiosity and loyalty. After all, you were my father, and I was willing to do anything for your happiness.
You used to sing me a lullaby when I couldn't go to sleep. It was a song about loneliness and missing a person. About keeping a person's identity secret so that they'll always remain yours. A song about growing up and reminded me of myself. You said it was from your youth; 1995 to be exact. I wonder what it was called...
I think about you all the time
~End~
Dedicated to all the Sonny fans out there. And trust me, there are a billion. No, seriously. I wrote this after "Name" kept playing in my head and because I thought it fit Sonny. Then again there are a lot of songs that fit Sonny; "The Space Between", Dave Matthews Band is one...
- - - -
And letters that you never meant to send, get tossed or thrown away
maybe fore a while.
And I won't tell no-one your name.
And I won't tell them your name
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
And now there's nothing to believe
Reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no-one your name
And I won't tell them your name
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are, come back down
And I won't tell them your name