Pairings: Jack/Gwen/Ianto threesome, Tosh/Owen implied.

Owen was a dead man.

Once Jack and Ianto have come back from their negotiations with the Seven Daleks that came through the rift last week, they will see what blunder he made and its effect and will brutally kill him and string him up for Mwyfanny's dinner. He didn't mean it to happen, a bunch of apples that came through the rift yesterday was supposed to be tested and he just left them on Gwen's desk. How was he supposed to know they were poisoned apples? And that Gwen was craving apples this week.

Gwen's pregnancy was the bane of Torchwood's existence. No one knows who the father is (certainly not Rhys) and Jack and Ianto were being far too overprotective while Gwen was far too hormonal. Of course Owen was the one that got all the abuse from everyone while Tosh managed to hide herself in the achieves. He had to admit it was very peaceful since Gwen collapsed due to the poison apple.

She looked very Snow White-ish, her dark hair sprawled out on the pillow, her lips painted red this morning and strangely enough she was wearing a white shirt that suspiciously looks like Ianto's to hide her five month pregnancy bump. He hooked her up to monitors, which spoiled the effect and nervously waited for Jack and Ianto to come back. He only wished that he gave Tosh one last snog before he died.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

"I have to admit, I find it very suspicious that you want to negotiate, usually Daleks just like to kill" Jack said glaring at the Seven Daleks that stood in a line together, his hand on his gun. "Are you really Daleks at all?"

"We are, the Seven Sins of Dalek Kind" one said in his robotic voice. "I am Doc"

"I am Happy" one chirped.

"I am Grumpy"

"I am Bashful"

"I am Sleepy"

"I am Sneezy"

"I am Dopey" the one that wouldn't stop spinning around said.

"Riiiight" Jack said exchanging a glance with Ianto who had raised his eyebrow sceptically. "I thought Daleks didn't have emotions"

"Which is why we are the sins, we are unnatural and therefore we were banished into the space between universes for all eternity. However a battle between our kind and another had knocked us through you to your world" Doc explained. "All we would like is our poisoned apples back to guard in case a fair maiden accidentally bites one and in exchange we'll give you information on who is a genetic match to Miss Gwen Cooper"

"What about where you live?" Jack demanded to know.

"And your killing instinct?" Ianto added.

"We are quite happy in this warehouse" Happy chirped. "And we have no killing instinct which was why we were considered abominations amongst our kind"

"Bunch of bores" Grumpy grumbled.

"Tweep, tweep, tweep, tweep, tweep" Dopey went obliviously as he continued to spin around. "Tweep, tweep, tweep, tweep, tweep"

Jack and Ianto exchanged looks once more and both sighed. "All right, it's a deal once we find the poison apples we'll bring them to you. You may remain here as long as no one ever discovers your existence but just in case someone accidentally eats one of these apples...how do you cure them?" Ianto said calmly.

"A kiss from your genetic match" Bashful giggled.

Jack bit his lip to stop a laugh. "Thank you, so the genetic match to Gwen...?"

"Scanning, scanning atchoo! Scanning, scanning, atchoo!" Sneezy said releasing electronic sneezes as he scanned both Jack and Ianto with a blue ray. "Both of you are genetically compatible with Gwen Cooper, atchoo!"

"Thank you that will be all" Ianto said nodding before leaving the warehouse while dragging Jack by the collar. "This must be the weirdest day of my life, to date"

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

When Jack and Ianto finally got home, Owen blurted out what happened and ran before Jack or Ianto could say anything. Both sighed heavily as they made the mental note to kill Owen later on after they cure Gwen and brought her and their baby back to the living.

"I'll go and take these apples back to the Daleks" Ianto said picking up the wicker basket. "will you cure Gwen and then get her a proper apple and perhaps a warm milk...and then tuck her into bed and make sure she doesn't get up in case there were side effects als-"

Jack pressed a finger against Ianto's lips. "Hush, you worry too much" he pressed his lips on Ianto's for a quick chaste kiss. "I'll take care of Gwen, you take care of apples and weirdo Daleks"

Ianto began to walk towards the cog door before he turned round. "Are you sure you don't want to swap?"

"Yes, another minute in that room with those whackos and I'll kill everyone in Cardiff. Now go! Before I spank you" Jack added playfully.

Ianto blushed as he rushed out of the Hub. Jack chuckled as he walked into the Med-Bay, he got quieter when he saw Gwen and slowly walked up to her. He sighed. "Oh Gwen, when are going to learn to not get into trouble?" he asked quietly as he brushed a strand of hair of her face.

He then bent down and kissed her deeply. Her eyes shot open and she inhaled sharply allowing him to slip her some tongue as she began to kiss back. Moments later they were apart breathing heavily as Jack lay on the bed next to her, resting his head against her breast.

"What a way to wake up" Gwen grinned stroking his hair. "What's up with you? You're being a bit clingy gorgeous"

"Just...just don't eat food unless it's given to you by me or Ianto"

Gwen blinked. "All right" she said.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

It was late at night, Tosh and Owen had gone home (Owen whimpering and hiding behind Tosh from Ianto's and Jack's glares), Gwen had fallen asleep between them and they were now leaning up on their elbows gazing down on her.

"Another fright" Ianto muttered bitterly. "We ought to lock her up until the baby is born"

"As if she'd let us. We'd have our hand chewed off when we come in to feed her" Jack said smiling. "Four more months, Yan, just four more, I'm sure we can survive"

"We can, Tosh can, Owen can't. Either us or Gwen will kill him"

Jack laughed and rolled over so he was looking up at the ceiling. "On the bright side of today, at least we know that no matter who the father is, we're both genetically compatible so the baby will be gorgeous and healthy"

Ianto chuckled. "Just all we wanted really"