Pairings: Owen/Tosh, slight Jack/Owen, Jack/Everyone else in the entire galaxy...

"Rift readings say there's something here but I can't get a hold on it" Tosh said with a frown as she glanced down at her GPS.

"Maybe it's another false alarm?" Owen said hopefully, really wanting to be back in the Hub with a nice warm pizza in front of him. The warehouse they were in was freezing.

"Probably is" Jack said appearing out of no where with Ianto attached to his side. "We didn't find anything, let's hope that Gwen has more luck or this will be a total waste of time. Do you know what I could be doing right now if it wasn't for this alarm?"

"Hopefully doing your paperwork" Ianto said.

"Yan, I was thinking something a little more interesting – like a game of tongue wrestling!"

"Sexual harassment" Ianto said without even thinking.

"Guys! Hey guys! I found something!" Gwen said excitedly carrying a bucket. "The readings were coming from this stuff"

The others had a trouble of smothering their snickers. Gwen had only started a few weeks ago and she found everything brand new and exciting and constantly acted like a little puppy. It was rather endearing at times but other times it was just plain annoying. Especially to Owen. Not really looking where she was going, Gwen accidentally tripped over and spilled the contents of the bucket over Owen.

"Oh, Owen I'm so sorry" Gwen said dropping the bucket.

Owen stood there soaking wet looking furious. "Great, just great" he muttered darkly as Jack, Ianto and Tosh howled with laughter.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Later that day Owen was playing a mindless computer game in his new dry clothes while helping himself to some more pizza. Ianto entered without making a sound as always and placed a cup of coffee besides Owen.

"I hope that's work you're doing" Ianto said causing Owen to jump.

"Of course it's work, why wouldn't it be?" Owen said quickly closing the window to show a boring word document.

Ianto stared at Owen with a strange shocked look.

"What?" Owen growled.

Ianto kept staring his eyes widening.

"Oh Come on Yan, stop staring at me it's creeping me out!" Owen whined.

"Owen...you're nose has grown bigger"

"What?"

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

"So let me get this straight" Jack said running a hand through his hair. "The stuff Gwen threw over Owen has given him some sort of Pinocchio problem where he can't tell a lie?"

"Yep" Ianto said with an evil smirk.

"Oh Owen I'm so sorry" Gwen blurted out.

"Oh this is going to be fun" Jack said rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"Oi! This ain't fair; my nose is already six inches long! Just find the cure and leave me be!" Owen wailed looking distraught behind his long nose.

"Owen...do you find me attractive?" Jack asked innocently.

"Don't be ridiculous" Owen scoffed.

His nose grew. "Yes!" Jack hissed pumping a fist in his hand. "Was it you that put a whoopee cushion on my seat that time?"

"No"

"Liar!"

"Owen, do you feel guilty for being mean to people all the time?" Gwen asked mischievously.

"Of course not"

Another few inches grew onto his nose. "Awww...you are a good guy deep down" Gwen cooed ruffling Owen's hair.

"Gerroff!" Owen growled pushing Gwen away.

"Owen, do you fantasize having sex with me?" Jack asked eagerly.

"Good God no!" Owen yelped horrified. Much to the team's disappointment, his nose didn't grow.

"Damn, I was hoping the whole team would want to have an orgy with me" Jack said mournfully.

"Jack that's disgusting" Gwen said scrunching her nose up.

"But it intrigued you for one moment" Jack said cheekily.

"Owen...are you in love with Tosh?" Ianto asked quietly.

"NO!"

His nose grew a whole foot causing him to stagger under the weight.

"Oh wow..." Gwen whispered as Tosh blushed brightly and Jack howled with laughter.

"Wouldn't mind just shagging that nose" Jack got out between sniggers.

"Sexual harassment" Ianto reminded him.

"Owen, do you care for the whole team? Like a family?" Jack asked eagerly.

"You all mean nothing to me" Owen said darkly. "I would be glad to see you all dead"

His nose grew another foot and Owen could no longer hold the weight up. After a few moments of staggering about he collapsed on his back and groaned. The others all jumped him and gave him a tight hug.

"We love you too Owen!" Jack said cheerfully.

"Bugger off"