Pairings: Tosh/Owen and slight Jack/Gwen

Once upon a time lived a horrid monstrous beast within the deepest vaults of a secret outside the government base that was underneath the city of Cardiff. This beast was a vicious, sarcastic, selfish man who haunted the autopsy room, ate pizza and played computer games instead of doing the paper work his dashing handsome Prince Charming boss had asked him too.

"What the hell are you on about, Harkness?" Owen said disgustedly leaning against the bedroom door. "There is no way you could be Prince Charming. You're too much of a man-whore"

The children giggled and Jack looked mockingly horrified. "Owen don't use such foul language in front of such innocent children!"

"Whatever, just don't exaggerate anything like you usually do. I got to check in on Tosh" Owen said standing up straighter as he turned to leave, he glanced back with a suspicious glare. "And the horrid monstrous beast better be Janet"

Jack merely smiled innocently.

Prince Charming had lost many knights before and although he did not always get along with the Beast, he admired the Beast for his determination and medical knowledge and therefore recruited him to work as a knight. But having only one would not help fight the demons of Cardiff. Prince Charming had found a Witch who was intelligent and cast powerful spells it was only later when it turned out she was a Wicked Witch and had to be slain before she killed Prince Charming's Warrior Princess. Before Prince Charming had found his Warrior Princess he had found two other knights to serve him, one was a Housekeeper who knew everything about Cardiff and another was a shy beauty who knew everything about everything.

Now Beauty was so shy that she could not bring herself to talk to her fellow knights when it wasn't discussing battles. She was also a bit of a workaholic and stayed very late, often falling asleep at her desk and having to be tucked up on the sofa by Prince Charming. Prince Charming had saved Beauty from a dark cell when she had unwillingly betrayed the country to save her mother. Because Prince Charming knew how vulnerable Beauty really was he had begun to care for her as a father would.

The Beast however ignored Beauty and the others as much as he could. He spent nights out getting drunk and waking up with other women, he had been heartbroken before, his betrothed had died and he refused to love again making his heart turn to stone. Beauty rarely dated but when she did it had often ended in disaster and strangely enough it was never Prince Charming who saved her but the Beast.

A memorable incident would be when Beauty went on a date with a pleasant man who turned out to be an evil magician who wanted to steal her kiss!

"Oh no!" the little girl gasped clinging to her older brother. "Did the Beast save her?"

"Yes but it was a difficult battle and the Beast had gotten very hurt" Jack said gravely. "But Beauty had healed his injuries and impressed him with her knowledge of first aid. He found her a little more interesting and often dragged her into his autopsy room to discuss what he was doing in his studies in demonology-"

"What's demonology?" the boy asked.

"Study of evil creatures" Jack replied. "Anyway, the Beast had also taken to walking Beauty home in case of any more evil magicians. Unknown to Beauty the Beast had stopped seeing other women as well. The Housekeeper, the Warrior Princess and Prince Charming knew what was slowly happening but sadly Beauty and the Beast were too stupid to see it"

"Why? What was happening?" the little girl asked.

"Tale as old as time" Jack began to sing. "True as it can be. Barely even friends then somebody bends unexpectedly. Just a little change. Small to say the least Both a little scared Neither one prepared. Beauty and the Beast. Ever just the same. Ever a surprise. Ever as before. Ever just as sure. As the sun will rise. Tale as old as time. Tune as old as song. Bittersweet and strange. Finding you can change. Learning you were wrong. Certain as the sun, rising in the east. Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the Bea-"

"Jack will you shut the fuck up?" Owen yelled. "Tosh is trying to get some sleep!"

"Well she won't get any if you keep shouting" Jack yelled back before turning back to the giggling children. "Now then, where was I? Ah yes..."

Beauty and the Beast were falling in love more and more each day. Their happiness however was short-lived as a gang of evil monsters attacked Cardiff and the Beast got badly injured in the war against them. Beauty spent day and night at Beast's bedside as he never woke up from his never-ending sleep. The Warrior Princess had often visited and made sure Beauty had eaten and slept, she gave Beauty good advice to let the Beast go and start moving on. So Beauty said her goodbyes and told the Beast she loved him more than anyone else in the world before kissing him.

"Ooh...that's so romantic!" the little girl squealed.

The boy rolled his eyes. "Girls" he muttered.

The Beast woke up and magically turned into an all right guy instead the twat he is. With his fellow knights help he had managed to get better and fight once more. However his never-ending sleep had taught the Beast that he couldn't not love anymore and immediately proposed to Beauty. Prince Charming had personally done the ceremony and the two got married and lived happily ever after. The End.

"Now then" Jack said clapping his hands loudly. "Time for bed"

"But Uncle Jack," the little girl whined pouting. "It's only eight! Tell us another story!"

Jack picked up the little girl and kissed her forehead. "Now, now Sakura. It's very late and your Mummy needs her rest. This pregnancy is taking a lot out of her"

"I hope I get two little sisters!" Sakura said. "Boys are smelly and mean. Especially Reo!"

"Well girls are whiney and stupid" Reo snapped back.

"Children, children bed now or I will never tell you how Prince Charming met the Warrior Princess" Jack said sternly.

"What about the Housekeeper?" Sakura asked. "Does she find someone?"

"No she's doomed to a lonely life playing with her coffee while wearing men's clothing" Jack said seriously.

"Better not let Ianto ever hear you say that. He'll cut you off of coffee for the rest of his life" Owen said from the doorway with an evil grin on his face. "Tosh is asleep. Thanks for looking after the kids today, I owe you"

"It's fine, I like taking care of my godchildren" Jack said tucking Sakura into bed and kissing her forehead while Owen moved to tuck in Reo who swatted Owen away. "How's Tosh?"

"Better. She's placed me in the doghouse for swearing in front of the children" Owen said scowling slightly. "Said I'll be on the couch till the twins are eighteen"

"Don't worry Owen, the eighteen years and two months will fly by before you realise" Jack said cheerfully.

"Whatever" Owen muttered kissing Sakura goodnight, they turned the light off and shut the door quietly before Owen turned to face Jack. "Hey Jack, do me a favour"

"Another one?"

"Yeah, stop telling crap stories about my love life to the kids"