Pairings: implied Tosh/Owen, Jack/Gwen, Janto, Jack/Rhys, Ianto/Rhys, Gwen/Rhys, one-sided Jack/Tosh, Jack/9, Jack/Rose with some Jack/Donna, 9Rose, 10Rose.

"Snow!"

"Wow, so beautiful"

"Let's have a snowball fight!"

Smack! Smack! Smack!

"Hey no fair, you all attacked me!"

"Aw quit your whining Owen, we're just playing"

"Yeah but its three to one!"

"You should have been better prepared"

"Oh shut up Ianto"

Jack watched amused as his team were playing out in the snow like little children. Even Ianto who had been so restrained was gleefully smothering Owen's face in snow. Looking up at the grey cloudy sky with the soft white flakes drifting slowly, Jack smiled.

Something sparkled in the air. Something so bright and shiny that Jack winced. And then he yelped. Something painful had hit his eye and Jesus Christ it hurt.

"Argh!" Owen screamed clutching his eye while Ianto rubbed his eye with a slight wince.

"You, ok?" Gwen asked concerned.

"Just something in my eye" Ianto replied.

"It's bloody painful!" Owen moaned.

Jack rolled his eyes and winced. The pain was still there. "Yeah I got a little something in my eye too"

"Babies" Gwen muttered as she and Tosh shared a knowing look.

Smack!

Jack stood there looking unimpressed as he was covered in snow from Gwen's and Tosh's attack.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

New Years Day was quiet. Too quiet. Only Tosh was there in the Hub typing away quickly. There was no Ianto pottering around, no Jack making sexual harassment comments and no Owen whining. Something was most definitely up.

"Where is everyone?" Gwen asked.

"Well if you actually arrived on time you'd know they've been kidnapped" Tosh said snottily.

Gwen looked sheepish, she knew arriving to work mid-afternoon was not the best thing to do. "Sorry, me and Rhys got caught up in our New Years sex. Though I have to admit it was odd that Ianto and Jack didn't come over to join us"

Tosh looked shocked. "Rhys shags Jack and Ianto?" she squeaked.

Gwen shrugged. "Yeah, Rhys had always fancied Jack like mad. It's why he acted all stupid and aggressive around him. Neither Jack or Ianto mind sharing and if it means I get to see what's actually under Ianto's suit..."

"Must be nice to have sex" Tosh sighed.

"Well if Owen never threatened Jack with the most bloodthirsty threat I ever heard then I'm sure Jack would have had you thousands of times"

"Remind me to kill Owen after we rescue him"

"Doesn't that beat the objective of rescuing him?"

Tosh merely shrugged.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Gwen woke up with a groan to find herself cuddled next to Tosh on a huge comfortable bed. To her utmost horror, she was wearing a frilly white dress with red ribbons in her ringleted hair. Tosh was wearing a cheerful blue frilly dress with matching ribbons in her hair that was in; yes you got it, ringlets.

"Holy shit we look like china dolls!" Gwen screamed waking Tosh and causing a woman to rush into the room.

She looked rather normal. Pink tracksuit, far too much make-up and blonde hair shoved into a ponytail. "Oh my babies did you have a nightmare?" she said sweetly.

Gwen picked up her gun from the nightstand and held it up at her. "What the fuck have you done to me?"

"Oi! You little ungrateful twerp!" the woman screeched. "I pulled you out of the Thames, kept you dry and since my daughter ran off with all her clothes I dressed you in my neighbours' kid's clothes. Admittedly the kid is a creepy transvestite and insisted on doing your hair, but still be a little grateful!"

Gwen put her gun down. "Sorry" she muttered.

"I apologise for my friend, she has temper issues" Tosh said calmly causing Gwen to glare at her. "Thank you for saving us, we're looking for our friends who had been kidnapped and got swept up in a flood storm back in Cardiff"

"Yeah the weather has been freaky lately. I blame that good for nothing Doctor; he always causes these alien creeps to mess with Earth. Listen to me sweetheart, I'm sure your friends will be back sooner or later, it's safer to go back to Cardiff and wait"

"I understand but we specialise with aliens and can handle ourselves"

"You're gonna end up dead" the woman shrugged. "Shall I make you a cup of tea while you wait for your clothes to dry?"

"Yes please, forgive me but I don't know your name?"

"Oh, it's Jackie"

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

After waking up the day had gotten worse. First, their clothes shrunk in Jackie's temperamental washing machine and they were stuck in their frilly clothes. After saying goodbye to the equally temperamental woman (who had been muttering dark things about this Doctor guy) they had gotten attacked and were rescued by some soldier dudes. Who then dragged them to a beautiful elegant black woman in a golden dress.

"I am Dr Martha Jones" the woman said with such grace that Gwen (who was muddy and dishevelled) felt like a homeless bum. "How can I help you?"

"Our friends went missing and we need to save them from whatever alien threat there is" Gwen said quickly.

"There is no alien threat" Martha said calmly. "Our scanners would have shown us something"

"UNIT scanners are nothing compared to Torchwood" Tosh said smugly. "We have the best technology there is"

"Really...then you don't mind staying for dinner and swap tactics with the other generals" Martha said looking interested.

"We really need to save our friends" Gwen said trying to pull Tosh out of the room.

"Of course, though we require a change of clothes" Tosh said accepting the invitation.

Gwen had a funny feeling that Tosh was purposely delaying the rescue out of spite. After all Owen was a wanker.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

After somehow pissing off UNIT and being chased out in their very tight ball gowns (Gwen in black and Tosh in a very light yellow) they were rescued by a man with a blue box that was bigger in the inside (they had seen weirder things, not that the man was pleased to hear that) and found Jack.

"Jack! Oh thank god, we were so worried!" Gwen shouted wrapping her arms round his neck while Tosh shyly hugged him from the side.

"Not that I'm complaining, I mean two gorgeous girls clinging to me, but err...have we met?" Jack asked looking confused.

They took a step back and realised this was not their Jack. For starters he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, also his hair was longer and darker while his nose looked a little bigger...did their Jack have a nose job done then?

"We meet in the future. We're trying to save you and two other friends" Tosh explained calmly. She turned to the other man in a leather jacket. "Have we met?"

"I was gonna ask you two the same, you both look familiar" the man said scowling. "I'm the Doctor, this is Rose and that's Jack as you already know"

Rose was a young beautiful blonde that looked oddly familiar. "Do you know Jackie Tyler?" Gwen asked.

"She's my Mum" Rose said. "You met her?"

"Kept raging on how everything was the Doctor's fault" Gwen said grinning.

"Typical" the Doctor muttered darkly. "Right then, where's home? I'll drop you off"

"But what about Jack and our friends?" Gwen asked.

"Look, as far as I'm concerned Harkness over there can be fish food. He keeps flirting with me and Rose and it's getting on my nerves. Especially with the flirting with Rose"

Gwen glared at Jack. "You bloody sex maniac, now your ways are getting in the way of saving you, Ianto and Owen"

Jack smiled innocently. "Please, I have this tracking device, if you use the signal then you'll find them and just drop us off. You don't even have to see Jack or do anything to help them" Tosh pleaded.

The Doctor looked at her puppy dog eyes and turned to look Gwen who's green eyes were sparkling emerald puppy dog eyes. Groaning he turned to find Rose with the same look in her eyes. "Fine!" he snapped. "But that's it!"

"Thank you!" Tosh and Gwen chimed in unison.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

They were in an icy mountain where a large cuddly polar bear was guarding. The three of them with a few other random men were mindlessly putting a mirror back together. Their captor, a beautiful red-haired woman who had a temper and voice to rival Jackie Tyler's, grinned at Tosh and Gwen (who, thanks to the Doctor, we're no longer in their dresses but in normal jeans and coats).

"As you see they do everything I ask of them" she said happily. "They make great sex slaves, Jack especially"

"Jack would" Gwen and Tosh grumbled.

"I don't understand, what's so special about the mirror?" Tosh asked.

"It's a door in space...at least I think that's what it's called. Basically it'll open up in an alternative universe and I'll be able to bring Rose back so skinny twig over there" she pointed to a brown suited man with wild hair who was sulking, "can stop moping about and I can enjoy time travel for once"

"Well that's all very nice and all but can we have our friends back now?"

"You sure you don't want to keep them as mindless sex slaves?"

"Well Ianto is already a slave when you think about it..."

"...but Owen never does anything he's told..."

"...and Jack only wants sex for himself..."

"You know what? Let's keep them as mindless sex slaves, got a spare bedroom Donna?"