Pairings: everyone/everyone

Bad Wolf:

"Sometimes the Bad Wolf isn't always bad" she murmured as she rolled over in her sleep.

"Rose?" he whispered shaking her slightly.

Her eyes opened to reveal her usual warm amber colour. He let out a little sigh of relief, for a terrifying moment he thought she had been possessed by the time vortex again. "Doctor" she mumbled.

"Hello" he said quietly as he tucked a strand of gray hair behind her ear. "Heard you talk in your sleep"

"Dreamt about Jack. He did something stupid" she yawned.

"As usual" he snickered, the snickering turned into a hacking cough and she patted him gently on the back. "Urgh, it's been too long since I felt my age"

"Been a good adventure though, hasn't it?" she said smiling fondly. Four children, twenty grandchildren and three great-grandchildren so far. A very long marriage, a good house, holidays all over the world and long successful careers.

"Yes, an adventure I never thought I would have. I'm glad you're with me"

She kissed him lightly. "I'll be with you always. Forever"

"Forever" he replied. "Goodnight"

"Night" she turned round and smiled wickedly to herself.

Yes she did enjoy the long life she had with a wonderful man. But she had promised forever for her Doctor and the time vortex is making her follow through. After she dies, she'll regenerate and the rift is opening up enough for her to slip through back to her universe.

Sometimes of the Bad Wolf isn't bad. But most of the time the Bad Wolf is wicked and very devious.

Sleeping Beauty Take One:

"Oh and Ianto?"

Ianto turned. "Yes sir?"

"Is it me or are you wearing Gwen's lipstick?"

"Well...uh...you see Jack..." Ianto stammered. "What happened is...err..."

"Ianto is a transvestite" Tosh blurted out.

"He is?" Gwen, Owen and Jack asked the exact time Ianto asked, "I am?"

"Yes" Tosh said firmly. "Ianto has a new boyfriend who likes it when Ianto dresses up as a girl. He was experimenting with Gwen's lipstick when she was asleep and I promised him I'll take him high heel shopping tomorrow"

"Well then, if Ianto wants any tips he can just come to me. After all I won several awards with my drag queen act"

Ianto groaned loudly and Gwen and Tosh looked half intrigued and half horrified at the thought of Jack in a mini skirt.

Owen began bashing his head against the nearest desk.

"Owen, seriously you need to stop doing that. You're going to lose more brain cells than you have"

Sleeping Beauty Take Two:

"Oh and Ianto?"

Ianto turned. "Yes sir?"

"Is it me or are you wearing Gwen's lipstick?"

"Yes" Gwen said. "Ianto is wearing my lipstick. We are secretly engaged and have been since before you came back. The only reason I told you I was engaged with Rhys was because I panicked. We're both sorry Jack but we're not in love with you"

Owen began jumping and cheering in joy.

Jack looked sceptical. "Now come on Gwen, there's no need to lie" a loud series of thumping could be heard. "Owen, seriously you need to stop doing that. You're going to lose more brain cells than you have"

Sleeping Beauty Take Three:

"Oh and Ianto?"

Ianto turned. "Yes sir?"

"Is it me or are you wearing Gwen's lipstick?"

"No sir, it's just your imagination" Ianto lied smoothly with an innocent smile.

Jack scratched his head. "Must be the lack of sleep" he mumbled.

Owen began bashing his head against the nearest desk.

"Owen, seriously you need to stop doing that. You're going to lose more brain cells than you have"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WITH NO BRAIN CELLS!"

Genetic Match:

"You both are Gwen Cooper's genetic match" the dalek Doc explained once more with his everlasting patience.

"Yes but how did two little sperms fertilise the same egg and came with this?" Jack said losing all patience.

"You both are Gwen Cooper's genetic match"

"But that doesn't explain-"

"Jack" Ianto interrupted with a firm glare. "Just forget it. The kid is ours, the end"

"But Ianto, this never happened before!"

The little boy looked up with one sparkling blue eye and one warm brown eye. His nose and lips looked like Gwen's but his pale skin was clear as Ianto's while his hair was dark and soft like Jack.

He was the perfect son of Jack, Gwen and Ianto. The DNA test proved it.

After the Insanity:

Stephen opened the door to find a charming man in a red jacket and tight trousers.

"Hello" the man purred. "Aren't you a pretty little boy? I'm going to be your Uncle John or maybe Uncle Hatter, whatever your mother likes"

"Mum! Some creep is at the door!" Stephen yelled.

Alice hurried to the door, frying pan in hand. She paused and stared at the man with wide eyes. "Hello princess, how have you been?" Alice let out a scream and began trying to whack John with the frying pan.

"I already told Dad I don't want anything to do with your freaks!" she screeched before slamming the door in his face.

John sighed and turned to find Jack holding some flowers and an action figure. "Don't bother. If she doesn't want to see me, then she'll definitely not want to see you" Jack visibly deflated and John wrapped an arm round him. "Buy me a drink and I'll make it worth your while..."

After the Play:

"It's a girl and a boy!" Owen announced joyfully as he entered the main Hub room.

"Yes!" Sakura and Reo cried out.

"Have you named them yet?" Gwen asked curiously.

"No not yet" Owen said. A little hand tugged at his shirt and he turned to see Ianto's alien daughter looking up at him with wide yes. "Yes?" he asked gently.

"You should name them Rapunzel and Dumbledore"

Chaos resumed as everyone began to laugh, argue and scream.

"I hate you Daddy, I hate you!"

"But princess..."

"Jack, just give it up"

After the Beanstalk:

"Jack?"

Jack groaned loudly as his eyes fluttered open. Two blurred shapes came into focus as Gwen wielding as axe and Ianto looking unnaturally calm stood above him.

"You cow" Jack growled. "You chopped down the Beanstalk!"

Gwen blinked. "What Beanstalk?"

"The one where Owen was a giant and Tosh was a harp...though harpy would be a better adjective"

Someone kicked him in the balls causing Jack to groan in agony. "I am not a harpy!" Tosh muttered sitting up on Jack's chest. "My head hurts" she moaned, "what happened?"

"Urgh" Owen groaned as he rolled off Jack's legs and onto the cold floor. "That was some wild night out"

"But the Beanstalk!" Jack shouted causing Owen and Tosh to flinch. "Owen somehow turned into a giant and kidnapped Gwen, Ianto and Tosh. Tosh was turned into a sexually satisfied harp while Gwen wore a sexy nightie and Ianto wears teddy bear pyjamas!"

Owen spluttered with laughter. "Ianto wears teddy bear pyjamas?"

"No coffee for you two" Ianto said quietly, his glare deadly.

Gwen sighed. "Jack, what have we told you about smoking pot?"

Jack's a Dad...again:

"The rift activity seems to be coming from the sea" Tosh said as the team stood at the edge of Cardiff Bay. "One of us might have to go swimming"

"Not me!" Gwen, Owen and Ianto said quickly taking one look at the icy water.

Jack rolled his eyes. "How childish are you three?"

Before anyone could answer a loud splashing noise could be heard in the water. They turned to see a pretty redhead wearing a long-sleeved purple top.

"It's freezing, you never said your kingdom was so cold Jack" she said in a soft voice.

"Ariel!" Jack shouted looking shocked. "Err...your father isn't here as well is he?"

"No, though he isn't happy with you. I've been charged in escorting our children back to you before returning to the palace. Father is marrying me off to some respectable Merman" she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Ch-ch-children?" Jack choked.

"Yes"

Suddenly seven heads popped out of the water. Four boys and three girls, all with dark black hair and sea-green eyes.

"Daddy!" they squealed.

"I haven't named them yet but I thought you would like the honour of doing that since they'll be living with you"

Jack got teary-eyed. "They're so beautiful! Guys, can you believe it? I'm a daddy to seven beautiful Mer-babies" there was silence. "Guys?" Jack turned to see his whole team passed out on the ground.

Jack's a Grandfather...again:

A pure white beam almost blinded the Torchwood team as a small girl with wild black hair and large backpack appeared.

"Daddy!" she squealed tackling Owen.

Owen numbly hugged her back. "Sakura...?" he asked.

She nodded. "Sakura Harkness-Jones-Harper, I'm seven years old now! Mummy sends her love"

"I'm a grandfather!" Jack said tearfully snatching Sakura away from Owen and smothering her. "She's so beautiful despite being related to Owen"

"Hey!"

"Grandma...help!" Sakura croaked holding a hand out to Ianto.

Ianto silently cursed the gods as Gwen and Owen burst into hysterical laughter.

Alt ending for everything:

"...And so Prince Jack and his knights rode off into the sunset with the world save once again. And they-"

"Lived happily ever after" three voices chorused.

Rhys smiled fondly at his children. "That's right. Now off to bed" the three children moaned as Rhys herded them into their beds. His eldest grabbed his hand and looked at him directly in the eyes.

"Dad" he whispered. "They never did live happily ever after, did they?"

Rhys' eyes grew sad as he hugged his son tightly. "Don't tell your siblings" he whispered before kissing his son goodnight one last time.

He shut the door and headed down to the living room, pausing on the stairs to look at the framed photo on the wall. Gwen was grinning brightly next to Jack who had an arm wrapped round her, Tosh smiled shyly while Owen stuck his tongue out to the camera and Ianto looked expressionless apart from the bright look in his eyes.

It was the last photo of the team before they either died or ran away.

Torchwood doesn't seem to have happy endings. Just tragic ones.

There was no such thing as fairy tales.

No such thing as happily ever after.

The End.