YEAR OF THE CAT

A/N: So, we are going back to normal Wed and Sun posting schedule. I am finding that the chapters are getting away from me now and I need to get them reigned in. Hope you are enjoying reading them as much as I am writing them. I have bitten off all my nails waiting for the new season of TW, and think I figured out something on accident. But I won't say anything - unless I am right. And then it will only be in the form of an 'I knew it!' Anyhow, things are about to get to the top of the hill - thanks for hanging in there. Once we get up there, it's all downhill. I make no promises about the safety of any of the characters...but I love all my readers! (PS! I miss you candybree!)

"Good morning, girls!" Jack crowed as the cog door rolled back into place. "Are we ready to track down some answers?"

"Good news and bad news on that," Martha called back from the computer at her desk.

Jack's head fell, his smile fading. "Good news first?"

"We're ready to go out and ask around," Gwen smiled brightly as she joined the discussion.

"And the bad?" Jack closed his eyes in anticipation.

"UNIT also wants answers," Martha said, turning her screen so Jack could see. "This weekend. They want me, you and Ianto."

"This weekend? What about Henry?" Jack was already dialing home.

"What about Henry, Jack?" A sleepy Welsh accent greeted him. "I was having a wonderful dream..."

"Is it the one where you are wearing the feathered angel wings and halo and bright green wellies? 'Cause that one is great!" Jack smiled into the phone, sure that it would translate. The silence that Ianto returned also translated over the phone. Jack tried again. "I'm sorry, should I call back later?"

"No, it must be important – wait, let me guess – another coffee emergency? Or can't you remember your favorite scone flavor?"

"That's unfair."

"So it is the scone then? You like poppyseed. However, if the are out of those, you'll be okay with raspberry. But avoid the blueberry ones – they give you gas..."

"Cute. Now, do you want to hear why I called?"

"Sure." Jack could hear Ianto's stubble rub the phone and wished he were there to feel it as he kissed the other man on the cheek.

"We need a sitter for Henry this weekend. Do you think Mam would do it?" Jack turned his back on the face Martha and Gwen were making at him.

"I can call her and see." Jack could hear Ianto brushing his teeth. "Wait. Why do we need a sitter?"

"Well, Mr. Hygiene, it's nothing like a spectacular holiday at a bed-and-breakfast; it's UNIT."

"You always know the most romantic places to take the one you love. Why, I was just thinking that we didn't get to-"

Jack cut him off without caring. "They want us to tell them what we know."

"That will never take all weekend. Two hours, maybe – if you talk slowly."

"Wow, you woke up funny today. Now how about calling Mam?"

Ianto flopped back onto the bed like a teenage girl. "How long?"

"How long what?" Jack scratched his free ear.

"How long will we need her to watch him?" Ianto sighed despite himself.

"Just the weekend."

"Let me call you back then."

"I'll be right here waiting for you."

"Please don't sing." Ianto hung up and went to the kitchen to get caffeine and call his mother.

**--**--**

"Ianto, honey, I would love to, but your father and I have plans," Glenda Jones said into the receiver. "Maybe next weekend."

"No, Mam, it has to be this weekend. Jack just called to tell me that, uh...a room opened up in a bed and breakfast we've been on a waiting list for." Ianto hated to lie to his mother, but how could he tell her the truth?

"Did you talk to your sisters?" He could hear Myfanwy in the background, laughing.

"No way – they always expect too much in return." That was a lesson he had learned early on, and was not keen to repeat.

"Well, then, I don't know what to tell you, son. Maybe a co-worker?"

"As much as I hate to think about that – I think that's going to be the only way." Ianto sat hard in a kitchen chair.

"I am sorry, Ianto, I really am. If we didn't already have plans..."

Ianto sighed. "Fine." The tone was one that he had used on her many times in his adolescence. "That's okay, I'll just call a co-worker."

"Okay, sweetheart – give our love to Jack and Tic." her voice brightened.

"Mam!" Ianto shouted into the phone to keep his mother from hanging up, afraid it was too late.

Her voice returned. "Yes, Ianto?"

"You're serious?" His tone was one of disbelief.

Mrs. Jones half-laughed in response. "Of course. Your father and I haven't been on holiday in an long time. Not since we went to EuroDisney."

"But we never went to EuroDisney..."

"Shush you! We deserve this, don't you think?" He could hear her tapping her foot, see her in his mind's eye put her hand on her hip.

"Well, yeah, but..." Even without her being there, he was shrinking under the glare in her voice.

"But what? But you think you Tad and I should drop everything for you? Is that it?" There was a whistle in the background that could have only been one of the girls. Ianto was betting on Gwen.

He quickly tried to back-pedal his words. "No, Mam, that's not it at all – I never meant..."

"Well, let me tell you this, young man, your father and I do not live to serve you, you know!"

"Mam, no, that's not how I meant it to sound. All I wanted to do was ask..."

Her voice had reached dangerous tone. If Ianto had been there in person, he would have searched for a place to hide. "Ask if I'd be a convenient babysitter? Oh no, Ianto, I'm not about to start that! I watch Henry for you and then when one of you other lot have kids, they are going to think that the thing to do with the baby is to drop it off with GranTad and GranMam and they'll take care of him – I mean, we don't really have lives now, do we, Ianto? You must think we're just withering away waiting for your call..."

"Mam, calm down. You and Tad have a wonderful time. I'll call you when we get back."

"Okay, sweetie; love to the boys!"

Ianto hung up the phone and shook his head, thinking his mother was becoming very unpredictable.

Meanwhile, at the childhood home of Ianto Jones, Glenda was holding her hands over her face as she walked to the lounge and leaned on her husband, who was, as usual, hidden behind the daily paper. "I hate to lie to them, Ifan."

Mr. Jones pushed the paper to the side and pulled her into his lap. "I know, Glenn, but we can't just tell them the truth. It might not involve them." He rubbed her back for a moment. "You did good though. You even had me fooled."

She looked at him. "Really? You think so?" Pride puffed her up.

"Yes, love. You were brilliant."

"Thank you, Ifan."

"You're welcome, Glenda."

**--**--**

"So, I guess that means 'no'?" Jack took the final drink of his coffee with a frown into the phone.

Ianto sighed. "Jack, she guilted me. Played the Mam card. It was like I was a teenager all over again! No, Henry, eat the eggs, don't sculpt them..."

"What are we going to do then? Take him with us?" He pushed aside a few papers that may have been important, he wasn't sure at the moment.

"Mam suggested asking co-workers." Ianto took a drink – Jack heard him swallow and almost groaned at the fact that he was drinking the good stuff. "What about Martha?"

"No go – Martha is on the 'going' roster." Jack tried to coax just one more drop from his to-go cup.

"Shit. Gwen?"

"You mean your sister, right?"

Ianto let his silence be an answer. He listened to Jack breathing, waiting for a response.

"You don't mean Gwen Jones?" Jack hoped that no one could hear him in his office from where they were.

"'Fraid not. Here, Henry, use this flannel..."

"I guess I can ask her. Maybe offer her the rest of the day off – with pay?"

"That might be a start."

"Ianto, do you trust Gwen?"

"With my life? Yes. With a small boy? No. But I trust Rhys. Henry, yes, that's wonderful. I'm glad you are making tracks to imagination. Jack, I have to go, Thomas is on. Call me when you know something."

"I'll do that." Jack hung up the phone and walked from his office to where Martha and Gwen's workstations were, wearing his most charming swagger and smile. "How are my lovely female co-workers today?"

"It's your turn," Gwen said, not looking up from the file she was reading.

"I'm not sleeping with you, Jack," Martha said in a flat tone. Gwen giggled.

The man's face fell into a pout. "That's not what I came down here for..."

"And Gwen and I are not going to kiss either..." Martha clicked her mouse.

Jack put a hand to his heart. "That hurts."

"Then what is it, Jack? What do you need from us?" Martha looked up for the first time since he had joined them.

Gwen was the one to answer. "He wants us to stroke his ego." She turned in her chair to face the medic. "Without Ianto around to do it, we have to step up to the plate. I did it last week. This week is yours. Good luck, we're all counting on you..."

Jack stood for a moment, his hands on his hips in indignation. "No one needs to stroke my ego, I can stroke myself, thank you."

Martha and Gwen looked at one another before bursting into girlish giggles.

Jack looked up for a moment, puzzled. "That didn't come out right at all. What I meant to say was that is wasn't your job to stroke my ego – Ianto strokes it when I get home."

The woman looked at one another, lips pursed, before erupting into another round of laughter.

Jack tried one more time, exasperated. "There will be no stroking – of egos or otherwise – on company time! Oh hell. Forget I said anything. Please?" With that, he turned and walked back to his office to think of another way to ask Gwen to watch Henry.

**--**--**

"You," Gwen stood in front of Jack's desk as he reclined in his chair, his feet propped in front of him. "want me to babysit this weekend?"

Jack smiled to himself as he nodded. "Oh, yes, just for the weekend while Ianto and I go to the meeting."

She crossed her arms and set her jaw. "Oh, I get it."

"What?"

"This is so unfair. Everyone gets to go but Gwen, so she gets to take care of the kid!" He half expected her to stomp her foot.

"That's not exactly it..."

"Then what is it, Jack?"

He thought for another moment, watching as Gwen tapped her foot, her eyes wide and waiting. "Well, Ianto suggested you when I called him earlier. He was going to call Mam, but he thought you and Rhys would be better for the job."

Gwen's face softened as she fanned her face. "Really? Ianto said that?"

Jack nodded, pleased with himself for figuring out how to appeal to the Welshwoman. "So, what do you say?"

Gwen took her own moment to think before answering with a sigh. "I think we can do it. Just for the weekend, though."

Jack jumped up, clapping his hands on Gwen's shoulders, startling her a little. "I could kiss you! You can have tomorrow off to get ready – Ianto and I can drop the boy off tomorrow night."

She blinked. "Okay then – I'll just tell Rhys that we need to have kid friendly food at dinner tomorrow."

Jack kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you, Gwen." He released her. "Oh, and he eats bacon. That's this week. Bacon."

"Bacon?" Gwen frowned.

"Yeah, Ianto says that's all." Jack shrugged. "And one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Don't put a helmet on the kid, no matter how much it seems like he needs it – Ianto gets pissed!"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

**--**--**

Recognizing the sound of the boots coming through the door, Ianto called out from Henry's room. "So, did you get a sitter?"

"Yep. I deserve an award for it too." He chuckled as he opened the closet to put his coat away. As he was hanging it up, he bumped the pocket of Ianto's hoodie, causing something to fall out. Jack bent to examine what it was and took a deep breath before calling out to Ianto. "Where are you?"

The answer came back muffled. "In Henry's room, picking up a little. Who knew such a small boy could make such a giant mess – and all in the span of about three minutes. I actually think he may have you beat, Jack..."

Jack stomped into the room that was formerly the office and cleared his throat. Ianto looked up from where he was digging toys out from under the bed.

"What are these?" Jack demanded, waggling a square box at Ianto.

"Dammit, I told Henry to get rid of those; told him you'd be mad if you found them."

Jack looked skeptical. "Did you now?"

"Yes." Ianto looked serious.

"You're telling me these are Henry's?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Henry – the two-year-old blonde moppet watching Teletubbies in the other room at this very moment – Henry?"

"Yes, I was disappointed too."

Jack sighed theatrically. "Up."

"What?" Ianto laughed out.

"Get up." Jack pointed from the floor to the ceiling. "I want to go ask him."

Ianto rolled his eyes and got to his feet, still holding a stuffed bear, as he allowed Jack to pull him into the other room.

"Henry?" Jack asked the small child.

Tearing his eyes reluctantly from the television, Henry looked, wide-eyed, up at Jack. "Tack!"

"Henry, are these yours?" Jack waved the cigarette packet at the toddler.

Henry shook his head, the hair falling over his forehead and into his eyes. "Noooooo," he drew out.

"Good." Jack looked at Ianto out of the side of his eyes. "Because, if they were, you would be grounded." He turned, arms folded on his chest, to face Ianto. "He says they aren't his."

Ianto held firm. "Clearly he's lying."

The look on Jack's face said more than any words could have.

"Well, he is." Ianto defended, sticking to a story even he knew couldn't be true.

"Ianto Andras Jones," Jack's tone was flat and his hands went to his hips.

It was all Ianto could do to hold in the laugh he wanted to let out. "Not buying it?"

Jack shook his head, not changing his stance.

Ianto's shoulders slumped and he sighed, knowing there was no way he could keep up the game. "Why did Owen have to go and die? You would have believed they were his, wouldn't you?"

"Probably." Jack's tone was flat.

There was an uncomfortable silence as Jack and Ianto looked at one another, not knowing what to say. Ianto turned to the boy, who had gone back to the television. "Thanks for ratting me out."

Henry didn't break his view, only pointed and babbled at the screen.

"Right, you would say that," Ianto answered automatically. "And while we're at it – get a haircut."

"We need to talk," Jack said, still quite serious.

"I know – I told him to get a haircut last week – even gave him the money. Wonder where he spent it..." He waved the bear at Jack as he spoke.

"What are you doing with cigarettes?"

Ianto walked to the kitchen, Jack fast on his heels. "Smoking them. Jeez, Jack, sometimes you're thick..."

"I can *see* that you have been smoking them. That wasn't the question. The question was more why." He tried to block Ianto's exit from the room, but he pushed past him and continued out to the garden.

"Because if I didn't smoke them it would be a waste to buy them?" He shut the door behind the two of them so that they wouldn't attract Henry.

Jack leaned against the was as Ianto paced. "Okay, let's try this again. why did you buy them at all?"

"They were on sale and it was that or take up recreational alcoholism?" Ianto smiled his most charming smile. When it got no response from Jack, he continued. "Remember that little talk we had at Mam and Tad's about stress?"

Jack blinked slowly, trying to absorb what he was being told. "So you thought drinking again was a good idea?"

"I didn't think that drinking again was good - hence the cigarettes." Ianto motioned to the pack that Jack still held, wishing he would just hand them over. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

Jack was suddenly angry, but not sure who he was angry at. "Don't try to sugar-coat it! You shouldn't be doing either and you know it!" He was sixty percent sure it was Ianto he was mad at. "At least tell me that you haven't been smoking around Henry."

Turning his back on Jack, he spoke. "I only have him hold my cigarette when the phone rings...OF COURSE I DON'T SMOKE AROUND TIC!"

Jack glared at him, his eyes hard and words flat. "You aren't funny."

"And you are blowing this out of proportion..." The Welshman forced a laugh.

"Right. You killing yourself slowly is a GOOD thing."

Ianto nodded in agreement. "Good point. Let me quit smoking and go back to work. Where I can kill myself quickly." He tried to snatch the pack out of Jack's hand, but was unsuccessful. "That isn't even close to the most dangerous thing I do."

Jack sighed and looked at the cigarettes in his hand. "Ianto, what is going on here? Why couldn't you just tell me that you were smoking? Why did you have to sneak?"

"To avoid scenes like this maybe?" Ianto found the pack very interesting as he tried not to meet Jack's eyes. "God, I need a cigarette..."

Jack appeared to lose himself in a memory for a moment. "Good. So do I."

"Yeah right. Hand them over, Jack." He made another grab for the pack, but Jack held them out of his reach.

"No, really. Where is your lighter?" Jack motioned for him to hand it over.

Ianto quirked a playful look at his boyfriend. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Jack played along. "Don't make me search you, Ianto Jones."

Ianto held his arms up. "Be my guest." Jack patted him down in a not-so-professional manner, taking time for an occasional grope. "Not going to find it there....."

Jack was about to give up when he noticed that Ianto was wearing a tee with a pocket under the button down that he had over it. "How about...aha!"

"Hey! Give that back!" Ianto grabbed, but Jack was somehow quicker. Ianto put it up to chasing a kid around all day.

Looking right at Ianto, Jack shook a cylinder from the pack and lit it, inhaling deeply. "Here." Jack offered the pack over at last.

Ianto all but grabbed the offered pack and shook one out for himself, hands almost shaking at the thought. "Not so fast, Jack. You don't smoke."

Jack regarded the cigarette he held. They didn't taste like he remembered. "Not anymore. I used to. I could stand to start again. Forgot how good it was, actually." He took another puff, closing his eyes.

"Knock it off, Jack." Ianto made to push the cigarette from his lips, but Jack leaned away so he couldn't.

"Oh, so it's fine for a non-immortal?"

"I'm only thinking of you. Wouldn't want you to get wrinkles."

"Right. You can get cancer but don't let me get wrinkles? You must really love me!" Jack placed the lighter back in it's pocket and patted it.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to get cancer. I hardly ever smoke anyway, and I'll quit once things...calm down." Ianto pulled the lighter out and flicked it a few times. "I just need to relax every once and a while." He lit the cigarette he had been holding and, watching Jack, drew his own puff in.

The two stood, smoking in silence, neither man knowing what to say. Jack noted the way that Ianto seemed to relax with every inhalation of the nicotine and wondered just how much the other man had been smoking lately. Ianto only watched Jack as if he was also wondering how long Jack had smoked before stopping.

Finally, Jack spoke. His voice startled Ianto a bit. "What did Lisa think of you smoking?"

Ianto merely glared at him. "I thought we agreed not to talk about her. All things considered its hardly fair to bring her into your fight..." Another drag.

"Well, look at it this way." Jack dropped his and crushed it under his heel dramatically. "Would she want you to do it?"

"No. But I'm pretty sure there are alot of things she wouldn't want me to do." He gave a pointed look at Jack.

Jack found himself nodding. "Fair enough." He reached forward and took Ianto's cigarette, puffing it before crushing it as well.

"What's the big idea?" Ianto looked at the empty space between his fingers, frowning. "I wasn't through."

"The big idea is that I want you to talk to me. I know that you aren't happy here, but I want to know what you want me to do to make you happy."

Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"I'm serious."

"Me too." Ianto held back a smile that was trying to betray him. "Very serious. Best forms of stress relief...drinking, smoking and...." If possible, Jack thought he had raised his eyebrow higher.

"Right." Jack chuckled though he was trying not to. There was just something about Ianto that made him feel schoolboy stupid. "But Henry..."

Ianto held another cigarette to his lips and flicked the lighter, watching for Jack's reaction. He didn't have to wait long. Jack reached forward and took the cigarette from him, only to break it with a grin in Ianto's direction.

"Well that solves it then," Ianto made like he was going to open the door. Giving a look to Jack, he raised his voice just above normal speech level. "Henry, get your coat - Toe needs to go to the shop..."

"Ianto." Jack merely stared at the man in front of him.

Ianto's look could only be described as 'bemused'. "Yes Jack? Is something wrong? You look a little stressed out."

Jack sat on the bench, inviting Ianto to join him with a pat. He reached for his hand. "Can't you please just NOT smoke?"

The other man slumped down and started to poke at the peeling paint on the seat, thinking that maybe it could use a fresh coat in the next week or two. "Compromise?" He glanced sidelong at Jack. "What if I promise to quit again? Soon."

Jack had a counter-offer ready all too quickly. "What if I give you two a day?"

"Just two?" Ianto's face fell. "No way. How about five?"

"Two."

"Four?"

"Two."

Ianto opened his mouth to speak, but could only manage one word – and it wasn't even one that he had intended. "But!" He took a moment to compose himself. "Have you ever spent 10 straight hours with no adult contact at all? Have pity, Jack!"

Jack sighed. "Have you ever spent two weeks in a time loop with John Hart?" Ianto visibly shuddered.

"I'm sure Henry is better than that."

Jack laughed to himself. "Probably eats less crayons..."

"Well if that ever happens again, I hereby give you permission to smoke as many cigarettes as you like; you can take up chain smoking!"

"Honestly? I think a rabid dog is better than Hart."

After a good cleansing laugh, Ianto drew a breath and tried once more. "That doesn't make taking care of Henry any less stressful. I miss my life, Jack."

Jack squeezed the hand he was holding gently. "Okay, honest deal, Ianto. What if I offer you this?" Ianto tried not to look too hopeful, but judging from the look Jack was returning, he was failing miserably. "I won't hound you about smoking if you're up-front and honest about it. And you never do it in the house. And, for god's sake, don't let Martha or Gwen catch you..."

"Umm....about that..."

"What about that?"

Ianto smiled and shook his head lightly. "Oh nothing....but while we're on the subject of deals...."

"You have an offer for me?" Jack was listening hard, hoping it was something he would like.

"You made me lie to Mam. I don't like to lie to Mam. She doesn't...take it well. She thinks we're going on a trip to an exclusive B&B. I suggest we make that happen...obviously not this weekend. But soon."

"What?" Jack was confused. "How was that me?"

Ianto shook his head non-commitally. "I had to tell her something about why I wanted her to take Henry. You didn't give me much to work with!"

Jack put his head in his hands. "Shit. Yes, Yan, I promise that we'll go - you make the arrangements, spoiled brat."

Ianto brightened. "And I promise by the time we go I will quit smoking. Most likely." Jack brought his head up slowly. "Okay, okay I will."

Jack put his arm around Ianto and drew him into a hug. "Good."

"I really do need a day out of here though, Jack." Ianto spoke into his chest.

Jack acted as if he hadn't heard, the whole time thinking what he could say. "Did you say you were going to the shops?"

Ianto sighed and pulled away. "Why? What do you need?"

"You need cigarettes; I need Jelly Babies. What do you say?"

"I say you can't eat Jelly Babies around Henry," Ianto mumbled to himself. "He'll cry if you bite the heads off."

Unaware the other man was talking, Jack continued. "...And we can see about giving you a day off. Wait. WHAT?!?!"

"He'll cry if you bite the heads off." Ianto felt as if there were two children to take care of and Jack was the more infantile of the two.

Without the foot stomp Ianto was expecting, Jack rolled his eyes like a petulant teen. "Fine. We'll sneak out here after he goes to sleep...seems like a lot of trouble though..."

"Well, I'll buy them if you want...but you deal with the distress!" Ianto patted Jack's leg, thinking about what else to say to him. "And is sneaking off with me really too much trouble?"

"No, it's the sneaking part. Sneaking with you is fun..." Jack defended. "Wait. How did this get turned on me?"

"That's fine if you can't be bothered to sneak around with me, Jack. I'm sure I'll think of some way to amuse myself." He watched Jack's face for a reaction. Getting the one he wanted he smiled to himself and prepared to stand. "If you're just going to hang around the house maybe I'll go out..."

Jack pushed on his leg to make him sit. "Don't you dare! You sit. I'll go to the shops. You've had a hard day." He rubbed his back for emphasis. "What do you want?"

Ianto mock-clutched at Jack's arm in fright. "And leave me here all alone?"

"We could all go?" Jack brushed him off comically.

Ianto thought about it for a moment. "Do they let kids in liquor stores?" Jack let his jaw drop in complete shock. "Just kidding!! We could go get some ice cream or something..."

Jack's hopes were raised again. "And Jelly Babies?"

"Okay...Jelly Babies too..."

Jack threw his arms around Ianto clumsily. "Yay! And that is why I love you." He released Ianto. "I'll go get Henry." He reached in his shirt pocket for a moment, finding what he was looking for quickly. "You smoke this." He handed over the paper cylinder to a mildly surprised Welshman.

Ianto shrugged it off as best he could. "Huh. If I knew all it took was a pack of Jelly Babies I wouldn't try nearly so hard to impress you." He greedily grabbed the cigarette with a sigh of relief. "Love you..."

Jack frowned. "Was that for me or the cigarette?"

Ianto leaned to kiss Jack gently. "Oh you, of course..." He smiled the cryptically smug smile he saved for occasions just like this.

Jack opened the door, then turned back. "But, Yan? Please hurry up. I don't know how long I can keep him occupied."

Ianto inhaled as he held the lighter close enough to catch the tobacco. "Welcome to my world..."

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