DIFFERENT
Chapter 6: Back to Forks Ask anyone in my pack, and they will likely tell you that being around me, since Bella and Edward took Nessie with them to Hanover, isn’t much fun. My life had been going great for a while now. Bella was more or less over the fact that I imprinted on her daughter, not that I really chose too, but it happened and that’s life. As for Edward, he’s more or less okay with it too. We all get along better, but there are still times when they piss me off, and I guess I manage to piss them off too, but again that’s life. So where does Nessie’s absence put me? I kind of feel like I’ve lost part of myself, and I think a lot about the Bella I knew when Edward wasn’t around. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not as bad as she was, but still I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to deal with not seeing Nessie. Lucky for me they will be back tonight, and I’m hoping I can talk them in to letting me keep Ness, if she’s not too tired. Someone knocked once at my door. “Yeah?” “Jake, it’s me,” Seth called out. “Come in.” As he did I sat up from lying on my bed, and looked at the floor, well the clothes piled on the floor. My dad has been on me about picking up my room, but I really don’t feel like doing that. My room has been my hiding spot since Paul and my sister have pretty much taken over the whole house. Every time I come home, they are locked at the lips, and that’s getting really annoying. “You look like crap,” Seth commented, coming to stand in front of me. I really wanted to jump down his throat for saying that, but chose not too. He meant well. “Yeah, I guess that’s what happens when the other half of your heart moves across the country.” Seth sat next to me, and I felt like going out my window. “Look, I know you want to help out and all, but I’m not really in the mood to talk.” I left him there, and did climb out the window, taking off for the mansion, wondering why I was doing that. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Standing in the woods, ten feet from the Cullen’s front door, I thought about turning around, and going back to hang out with Seth at First Beach. Maybe talking to him would help. It wasn’t like I could keep how I felt a secret and my pack pretty much knows everything anyway. I miss Nessie. Finally I pushed away from the tree I had been leaning against, pulling on an old shirt before I got to their door. As usual it opened before I could knock, and Carlisle greeted me. “Good evening Jacob.” “Hi, so when are they getting home?” As he moved aside, I walked into the house. The family, aside from Blondie, doesn’t mind my visits. They are all still iffy about the imprinting thing with Ness, but for the most part they have dealt with that better than I could have imagined. “Emmett and Rosalie left to get them an hour ago. They should be back any time now.” I nodded and sat down on the sofa just as Alice arrived by my side. When I looked up, I found her frowning at me. “Oh come on, what am I blocking out this time?” “I was trying to predict the score on the game for Jasper,” she answered. “Fine,” I grumbled, not really hurt by having to move. I hadn’t noticed them sitting on the other sofa, and figured out that I was more bugged about Nessie being gone than I realized. I stood by the door, watching the game from there until I heard a car pull up. It was dark by then, and I made it to the back, passenger side door before any of them got out. I figured Nessie would be clawing at the door, ready to see me the way she had reacted at leaving a week ago. But when Edward opened it, and I reached for her, she hung on to him and hid her face against his neck. When he got out, Nessie didn’t let up, and I wondered why she was so grumpy. “Tired?” “I am not,” Nessie mumbled softly from against his neck. Bella came around and stood beside them, nodding once in answer to my earlier question, and Blondie brushed past me, tossing her head to the left as Emmett took her hand. I wanted to rip her hair out, which is what I usually want to do when I’m around her, but I let it go as I walked behind them into the house. Inside, Edward went upstairs, and I started to follow, but Bella grasped my arm. “Renesmee needs some alone time.” We sat down on the sofa. By then the game was more or less over, but I didn’t care. “What did she do?” “Nothing bad, she’s just upset. A lot happened while we were in Hanover.” “Like what?” Suddenly, my thoughts were on that guy that showed up with Alice and Jasper, back when the Volturi were posing a threat. “That half vampire didn’t show up did he?” For a moment Bella looked confused, but then she shook her head. “No, nothing like that.” That was a relief, and I wanted to know more but Bella got up and was gone, up to help with Nessie I guess. So here I was, left to sit with the other vampires, wondering what in the heck was going on. Emmett turned the TV to another game, and I leaned back watching that, trying not to worry too much about anything until I had too. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ There was no in between for my daughter. We left Forks a week ago with her upset about moving, and now we were back, and she didn’t want to be here. I have so much I need to tell Carlisle, and I need to find a way to talk to Nahuel, to ask if any of his sisters have developed her newest gift. It is because of that gift, that she is unhappy. “Edward?” Carlisle entered my old room, a look of concern crossing his usual, serene features. “Renesmee met a new friend,” I began, as he pulled a chair up next to the bed. My daughter had fallen asleep against my chest while I lay propped up against her pillows. “A new friend?” “It seems as though she has a way to communicate with animals, in this case a baby bear. I hunted and killed his mother, and somehow while she shared her thoughts with this bear, it was in turn, able to show her what I did.” Carlisle was at a loss for words, but it wasn’t the first time with regards to Renesmee’s abilities. “I’m not sure I understand,” he finally admitted as Bella and Esme entered the room. I needed to tell them the rest, but I wasn’t willing to have Renesmee wake up, hearing the story which would upset her again. We needed to move downstairs, but I didn’t want to leave her alone, and when Jacob arrived I was relieved to see him. “Do you know?” He scratched the back of his head, shaking it once. “I promise I’ll tell you later, just stay with her.” Once he was seated beside Renesmee’s sleeping form, I took my leave, with Bella, Carlisle, and Esme following behind me. We ended up downstairs, and everyone seemed ready to hear what had taken place. “We lost her one day,” I began. Bella looked down, and I put my arm around her. “We got wrapped up with moving the furniture in, and Renesmee wandered forty miles from the house. When I found her she was asleep in a bed of moss and ferns. The next morning when I told her she couldn’t go off by herself, she showed me a memory of a bear she befriended during the time away from us.” Emmett huffed, and I held up my hand. “It was a cub. Evidently I killed its mother. I wasn’t aware of that until two days ago when she wandered off again, only this time I followed her. Renesmee has been sharing her kills with this bear, but when I came upon them the little thing took off.” “You said she communicated with it,” Carlisle reminded. “Yes, I was getting to that. After it ran off she was quite angry with me, and I couldn’t get her to tell me why. Bella didn’t have any luck either, and she was blocking her thoughts.” I looked over at Alice, who glanced away from my gaze. My sister had once told Renesmee that the way to keep me from knowing her thoughts was to think about a song or story. “Once Renesmee had fallen asleep I was able to read what was on her mind, and we shared her dreams. She saw me kill that bear, only it was through the eyes of the cub hiding behind some bushes.” This time Emmett didn’t hold back. “Wait, she’s seen me kill bears before.” “I know that, but this bear was the mother of her new friend. When Renesmee woke up she told us that when she shares her thoughts with him, he shows her his. It’s not as solid and clear as what we see from her, but it’s quite amazing.” Esme looked interested and worried, both at the same time. Everyone else seemed to share her expression, but it was Carlisle who finally broke the silence. “It sounds as though we need to talk to Nahuel.” He put his arm around Esme, who spoke for the first time since we got home. “Is that why she was so upset?” I nodded. “Renesmee didn’t want to leave him alone. We haven’t figured out how to handle this new aspect of her abilities. On the one hand I want her to forget about him, it would be better if I put the poor thing out of his misery, but on the other hand if I did that, I’m not sure what she would do.” “Where is it now?” Rosalie asked, concern etching her voice. She seemed to realize the fix Bella and I were in. “We left it in the woods, but our scent is dominant by the house, and I dragged the carcass of a deer in that parameter. This morning Renesmee made us promise to go back as soon as we could, and to be honest, I wasn’t planning on doing that for a few more weeks.” I dragged my hand through my hair, feeling the stresses of the day, along with being totally lost in what I was doing, catching up with me. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Even on the third floor of the Cullen’s house, I was able to pick up what Edward was saying, and I guessed that was one good thing about the wolf gene. If that’s what you wanted to call it. Nessie hadn’t budged once since Edward laid her down, and I rested beside her, glad to have her back. What he was talking about was the strangest thing I ever heard of, even more than me being a wolf. Maybe it all made sense though. There was that one day when Ness was pretty new. We sat outside holding real still, and a bird landed right next to us. I told her not to say anything or move, and had been impressed that the bird had gotten so close, with her on my lap. The odds didn’t seem to want to play out in my favor as I listened to how upset she had been over having to leave that bear back in Hanover. Here is the part I kind of get, and he’ll probably credit me for this one in a second, but it almost seems like she’s got the whole imprinting thing only flipped. For Nessie it’s maybe something she did because she feels different, like she doesn’t belong. So she imprints on this orphan cub, because that’s easier than dealing with all of us, heck I don’t know. For a second, I stopped thinking so loud to see if Edward would pick up on those thoughts. He wasn’t the one doing the talking, even though the rest of them were. I guess he’s pretty worried about her. “Noo,” Nessie shouted, a second before she sat fully upright. “Hey,” I said, hugging her close. She struggled out of my arms, crawled over me, and hopped to the floor. “No no no,” she cried as she ran out of the room. I was behind her in a second, following her to the stairs where Bella was waiting. That was it, Nessie crumbled to the floor, curling into a ball before she began to cry, and it wasn’t just her normal soft cries, she was really upset. I knelt by her side, trying to calm her down, but Nessie was having none of that. “I…w…want Little Bear,” she sobbed as I got down on the floor to lie next to her. Bella and Edward were on her other side along with the rest of them. “I bet he’s okay,” I tried, when none of them had any luck at getting her up off the floor. I kind of wanted to get up, because it stunk like vampire, but decided I needed to stay put. Nessie wasn’t crying as loud, so I went on. “I bet he will find little things to hunt, like rabbits and stuff like that.” That didn’t help much, but she wasn’t crying any harder, or louder. “I need him,” she said, while hiccuping, and crying more. The other thing Nessie did was scoot closer to me, and let me put my arm around her. Everyone else left us alone and I was glad. “What…what if he dies.” Nessie was crying less and less, and I pulled her closer while resting on my side. That wasn’t an easy question to answer. I couldn’t tell her he wouldn’t die, because I didn’t know that myself. “I don’t know, he may be fine until you get back.” There was sniffling before, “Daddy killed his Momma.” That was a tough one too. I almost felt vindicated that she was pissed at Edward for something. I was still thinking about the chewing out he gave me when I almost told her they were moving. “Nessie, he didn’t know that bear had a cub to take care of.” She turned on her side so I could see her, and several tears were rolling off of her cheeks. I used my thumb and wiped them away. “He could have read her thoughts,” Nessie said clearly, as she rubbed her nose with the back of her small hand. “I don’t think his mind reading thing works that way.” “It should,” she answered grumpily. When I hugged her, she didn’t try to push away. “Do you want to go to First Beach, if they say yes?” Instead of talking to me, she put her hand on me cheek, showing me that it was dark outside. “Okay, we can go to the clearing.” When Nessie didn’t move or say anything I stood up, bringing her with me. She snuggled against my chest, resting her cheek against my shoulder as I carried her downstairs. Edward looked like he was in a crappy mood, but I didn’t care. He nodded once when I glanced at the door, and I grabbed her little raincoat, draping it over her as I took off toward the clearing. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The rain had stopped, and I was sitting on a stone with Nessie snuggled on my lap, while we looked up at the moon. It was a full moon, and a clear night, rare for our area of the world. “Jacob, is there a man in the moon?” Sometimes Nessie came up with the most random of thoughts. “Well, sometimes NASA sends a shuttle up into space, but I don’t think we have had any moon walks lately.” Nessie tilted her head back against my chest, and I looked down at her as she asked, “What is NASA?” “Well, they are a group of people, kind of like um… well the group of bad vampires that showed up, only they aren’t bad they are good. Now she was drawing her eyebrows up into a pucker while thinking that one over. “Jacob, I don’t understand you sometimes.” I began to laugh, and that was when she scrambled out of my arms. “Nessie, I wasn’t laughing at you, just at what you said.” I took off after her, and grabbed her before fell into the river. “Let go, I want to go home.” “Okay, but let me phase first so I can get us across that.” She plopped down on her bottom, in spite of the sodden ground, and I shut my eyes. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for trying to watch her on my own. I stripped and phased before Nessie could turn to see me. Once I was in that form, it was up to her to get on my back, and of course she didn’t. I nudged Nessie’s back with my nose, but she shrugged away from me. Edward, your daughter isn’t listening. I thought. I plopped down beside her, and she scooted away, right into a mud puddle, where she stayed put. When Edward showed up, Nessie was giving him the cold shoulder too, but he whispered something in her ear that ended her unwillingness to move. Back across the river I phased and dressed, wondering why I was still here. I went inside, passing Emmett and Blondie as I headed into the kitchen. Esme told me and Seth that the food there was for us to have. So I helped myself to a bowl of chips and salsa, and a root beer, before I went back to watch some TV and unwind, if that was possible. ~*~*~*~*~*~ I don’t think I had ever seen Edward as frustrated with Renesmee until he came back with her. She wasn’t crying nor was she angry, but more reserved, seeming to know that daddy wasn’t going to allow her to act up as she had all day during the flight back here. Edward got her undressed, and disappeared up the stairs. A few minutes later, I decided to go check on them. Renesmee was in the tub pouting as Edward lathered her hair with strawberry scented shampoo. “Anything I can do to help?” “Yes, I left her pants and shirt in the sink. You might want to see if you can get the mud out before Alice has a fit.” Our daughter’s violet colored pants were covered in mud, and the little white shirt, with the violet print flowers on it, was also splattered on the edges with the same mess. While I turned on the faucet, Edward rinsed the soap out of Renesmee’s hair before he lifted her from the tub, wrapping a towel around her. As he was standing up, she attached herself to my leg. “One,” he said, folding his arms. Renesmee gasped, before she ran out past him, and he followed from behind. I managed to get all of the mud out, and left the outfit hanging over the tub, wanting to try and help my husband. If I was truthful with myself, I would admit that Edward doesn’t really need my help. He’s really good with our baby, or has gotten better about dealing with her less than pleasant moments. As I approached Renesmee’s room I stopped, hearing them talking. “I can be mad, but I can’t be mean anymore because I’ll get in trouble?” “Yes,” Edward answered calmly. I heard Renesmee sigh, and wondered if she would dare roll her eyes at him. I knew from the sound of her voice that she was frustrated. “No one likes it when I get grumpy,” she stated, sounding both resigned and defeated. I shut my eyes, wondering where the justice was. My daughter was nine months old, with a mind that ranged from four years, to a very advanced seven or eight years of age, at times. Renesmee had the body of a two and a half year old, and if all of that were not enough, she had formed a friendship with something she would have generally had for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. My baby was also trying to deal with this huge change we had thrust on her, and she had a right to act out. I am such a push over, that if I didn’t have Edward; I would let Renesmee get away with everything. My thoughts pulled back to the present when I heard her crying again, and went in to her room. There I found Edward tucking our baby in to bed. He was calm, but I had missed something or maybe not. It past midnight, and she was exhausted. “I don’t want bed,” Renesmee sobbed, rolling over to face him. Calmly, Edward pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m sorry that you are upset, but right now you need to go to bed. Momma and I will come and check on you in a few minutes, but I want you to stay put, do you understand?” His demand that she stay in bed caused her to cry harder. As she rolled away from him I was ready to snuggle with her, but he grasped my arm. I looked back at Edward, and he shook his head. Reluctantly I left with my husband, though once we were out of earshot, I stopped him. “What did she do?” When he hugged me, I sighed, resting my head against his chest. “She didn’t do anything wrong, but she’s still agitated at me for rescuing her from Jacob.” Another words she was overly tired. “Are you sure we don’t need to find a shrink for her?” I asked, light heartedly, as he guided me down the stairs. When I heard him chuckle, I smiled a little. ~*~*~*~*~*~ My Little Bear is all alone, and I have a mean daddy sometimes. I want to run all the way back to our new house, but I would have lots of troubles if I did. My daddy hears what I’m thinking. He said he would listen, and if I got out of my bed I would have to sit in the yucky chair. Momma says it’s my quiet chair. I don’t have to use it much, but when I am really mean, I have too. I really want to get out of my bed and go get Uncle Emmett. I bet he and Aunt Rose would take me back to my bear. “UNCLE EMMETT.” There was just quiet in my room, and the wind blowing just a bit outside. “UNCLE EMMETT, I NEED YOU.” All I heard was the same noises, and I bet Daddy won’t let him come and talk to me. Daddy you are mean. You are mean, very mean, so mean I want my bear, and not you, and not Jacob, and not Momma, and just my bear. I want to get up but you said no, and I want to go home. Those were my thoughts, but no one came to tell me anything. “What if I get up?” I asked, wondering if daddy would come get me. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Even though none of us were going upstairs at the current moment, I was very aware of the thoughts my little girl was throwing around. At one point, she told me in her thoughts, several times, how mean I was, but I let that slide by. What Renesmee wanted was a reaction, and she wasn’t going to get one. My baby girl doesn’t have an easy life. I can’t imagine how fast her mind processes new things, or how her brain works to store in all the information. When she began to ask what would happen if she got up, I headed back upstairs, prepared to take action if I needed too. In all of my clouded human memories, I don’t recall any one moment of my childhood where I challenged my parents the way Renesmee does us. “What if I get up?” It was time to put an end to this. I walked into her room, and knelt by her bed. “You are going to close your eyes and go to sleep right now,” I said in a very stern tone. That was all it took to bring her to tears again, and I wanted desperately to hold her in my arms, but I didn’t. Instead I turned and pulled the desk chair beside her bed, sitting there with my arms folded against my chest. I was well aware, through her jumbled thoughts, how tired she was. From past experience I knew that I needed to let her calm down by herself before I held her, but I wasn't sure I would be able to follow through with that. “I want Momma,” Renesmee sobbed. I didn’t answer her, knowing that if I did it would only cause more of a fuss. She turned to look at me once before rolling back over, crying harder. Five minutes, I decided. If in five minutes she hadn’t calmed down, I would hold my baby girl. The first minute passed, and her cries were constant. It was very difficult not to comfort her, but I stayed where I was. After the second minute passed, her cries began to taper off. At the three minute mark, she rolled back over with her eyes closed. “I’m thirsty.” When Bella arrived with Renesmee’s favorite purple cup, I was grateful for my wife’s insight. It seemed she had anticipated our daughter’s needs when I had not. Once I had the cup in hand, she kissed me briefly on the lips before she went back downstairs. “Here baby.” I helped Renesmee sit up, holding my hand against her back as she wobbled unsteadily out of sheer exhaustion. When the cup was empty, I put it on her little bed side table before settling her against my chest. As I leaned back in the chair, my thoughts drifted to all of those child rearing books I had read since our daughter’s birth, and I realized that one fact in all of them might be the key to making Renesmee happier. Bella and I needed to find a way to bring some consistency in to our daughter’s life. I’ve never been a parent, and never even thought about it. When Renesmee was born and slept through the first night of her life, I thought we had it made. Never had it crossed my mind that my daughter would have such a difficult time with pretty much everything in her life. The guilt I felt at that realization, was almost mind numbing. My baby’s hand on my cheek showing us together, with me humming Bella’s lullaby, drew my attention back to her. I shut my eyes, even though there really wasn’t a need for that, and softly hummed. All I could think about as I held Renesmee, while gently running my fingers through her soft brown curls, was to hope that tomorrow would be a better day for her, and for us all. ~*~*~*~*~ AN: I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think. Please submit a review. Anonamous Reviews are more than welcome as well. Thanks for stopping by to read.
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