DIFFERENT
Chapter 7: Silence A gentle breeze brushed past me as I listened to Jacob trying to engage Renesmee in conversation. They were out of site now, riding in his Rabbit toward First Beach, but I could still hear what he was saying. Another breeze blew a few leaves into the house, and I shook my head slightly as I shut the door. A few days had passed by since the silence began, and I found myself wishing that my daughter would have a tantrum, even that was better than what we were dealing with now. Two comforting arms wrapping around me, pulling me back against his strong form, caught me slightly off guard but I didn’t growl. Edward was every bit as worried as I was, and we were already preparing to go back to Hanover, but the weather didn’t want to cooperate. “Any progress?” His breath against my ear distracted me for a moment before he answered. “She says they can get us on an evening flight for tomorrow.” I turned, gazing up at my husband, seeing the lines of worry etching his face. “What if that bear is gone?” Edward sighed, leaning down until our foreheads were touching. “I’ve been trying to figure out what we will do in that case. I’m not sure how much more Renesmee can handle.” Abruptly he pulled away and was instantly across the room looking out the window. Edward blamed himself for all of this. My husband didn’t regret having our daughter, just the circumstances which seemed to complicate her life, especially since she was so young. I wanted to join him but knew that he wanted to be alone. The one saving grace in all of this was that Edward could read Renesmee’s thoughts. Our daughter was depressed, and thought about her new friend often, along with the images of Edward killing the adult bear. Once, before I started this new life, Edward told me that he didn’t want to be a monster. I wondered if he saw himself as that monster in light of what was going on with Renesmee. When I sat down on the sofa, Esme took the seat to my left, wrapping her arm around me. “She will be alright,” Esme said with confidence, a feeling I couldn’t bring myself to have at this point. I wanted my daughter to be safe and happy but I was afraid to think about that. “I just hope when we get home, Renesmee will be back to her normal self. Maybe this outing with Jake will help.” A mother could hope couldn’t she? ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ First Beach, on a sunny day, was a great place to hang out. Nessie had always loved being here, but today she just sat on the blanket I spread out, staring blankly at the waves. “Do you want to get your feet wet?” I looked to my right hoping she would nod, or even jump up ready to race to the waters edge, but she remained where she was, motionless. Watching her was like watching Bella that one time, or maybe even me when Nessie had been away. “Come on, tell me what you have going on in that head of yours?” I leaned against her and she sighed but didn’t say a word. Desperately I wanted to find something that would get her talking, and I thought about her new friend again. I had been thinking a lot about that little bear, sort of wondering if maybe Nessie could make a friend here too. If she could, maybe that would help, but then again maybe it was just a one time deal. “We could go find other bears,” I tried. Another sigh and nothing more. Nessie was too little for all of this pain, and I was ready to try anything. Once on my feet I reached down, lifting her up, holding her against my hip as I walked toward the water. The first rush over my feet was cold, but not unpleasant. “Get ready,” I said. When I leaned over and the water ran over her feet, I thought maybe she would laugh and try to get me wet. Instead Nessie did something I rather hoped she wouldn’t, she started to cry. As I carried her back to the blanket I felt helpless. “Shh, do you want me to take you to your dad?” One nod was the answer I got while she continued to cry softly against my neck. I leaned down to get the blanket, but it was pulled away from me. Leah was the last person I thought I would see, and she looked as worried as I felt. “I’m an idiot,” I mumbled shifting Nessie against my left side. Before Leah could answer, Nessie shook her head once, not agreeing with what I had said, but continued to cry. In the parking lot I leaned into the back of the car, ready to put Ness in her seat, but she clung to me shaking her head back and forth. “I can’t drive and hold you,” I tried. “You could let me,” Leah offered. This was definitely unexpected but I would figure out her motives, if she had any, later. “Just drive carefully.” Once I was in the front passenger seat with Nessie on my lap, she began to calm down. I wiped the tears from her cheeks, kissing the top of her head as Leah pulled out of the parking lot. “So what brought all of this on?” We were on the main road heading toward the Cullen’s, and Nessie had drifted to sleep. Leah shifted uncomfortably in the seat. “Nothing, just thought maybe you wanted some help,” she finally said. I glanced at her, but Leah was concentrating, watching the road in front of her. It didn’t matter, when we ran patrol later tonight, I would know what she was thinking. “Are you going with them?” Ahh, maybe this was the point of her helping. “I’ve been seriously considering. I know we have our obligations here, but Sam and his pack can take care of things now.” It was more complicated than that, because Quil, now part of my pack, would be facing what I was. Claire lived here with her family and I couldn’t see them moving, not for the Cullens, even though most of the bitterness between the tribe and them was gone. “So if I go, you want to come along?” “We talked about that a long time ago,” she pointed out. That was true, back in the days before Sam and I worked out our differences regarding Bella and Nessie, I had thought about going solo again, and Leah had asked to come along. “You can do what you want.” It was too hard to try and figure this out when my mind was on Nessie, worrying about how all of this change was ultimately going to affect her. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Finding out that Renesmee had gotten upset at the beach didn’t improve my mood. I knew it wasn’t Jacob’s fault. Like the rest of us he was doing all he could to try and help her cope. Once she was tucked into her bed I knelt down, watching her sleep. I took my baby’s small hand and rested it on my cheek finding blurred images of the beach in her memories. It seemed she had liked being there until Jacob tried getting her wet. “One more day, and we will go home,” I whispered, while leaning in to kiss her soft cheek. My original plan was to stay here and help Carlisle and Esme get things sorted for the move, but now my focus was on my immediate family and Renesmee. When Bella asked about that damned bear, I wanted to run cross country and kill it. I know that wouldn’t help matters, but it seemed to be the cause, no that’s not true. Reality came crashing down and I sank to the floor, grasping my hair. Reality? I was selfish. There are no regrets for me on having a wife that I love and a daughter that I would die for, but at what cost? We gave Renesmee life, our love created her but she has been thrust into one situation after another. My daughter ages quickly and she can’t be a normal child. “Edward?” As Esme sat down at my side I didn’t move. “How do I allow her to go through this, when all I want to do is shield her from this pain?” “That is being a parent.” I looked at Esme, my mother in this life, and saw the wisdom in her eyes mixed with the sadness. Perhaps she knew what this was like, and I thought back to the times I caused her to worry. “You know how this feels.” It was a statement more so than a question. “When you came to us that night, telling us that we had to leave Bella behind, there was such pain apparent in your eyes. You were doing what you thought was best, being selfless. After you had gone I talked with Carlisle, asking him the same thing, how do we allow you to go through such pain? The pain is part of life as you well know, but it’s never easy, especially when your own child is the one doing the hurting.” All I could do was hug her, drawing comfort from her arms as I hoped my daughter would do when she was ready. “I never thought being a father would be this trying.” Esme chuckled once and I pulled away, looking at her. “You don’t know that until after you are a parent, how hard it really is at times.” After she had gone I got on my knees, gazing down at my baby girl. Renesmee was relaxed in her sleep, and I hoped her dreams were happy, that fate, would at the very least, give her peace. ~*~*~*~*~*~ AN: Hello everyone. I’m sorry this is such a short post but I want it to stand alone as is. I promise there will be more action and have a great deal in store regarding Renesmee and her new friend along with everything else, just be patient with me and hopefully you will like what is to come. Thank you all for reading the story and sticking with me thus far. Another AN My update for chapter 8 might take a while. I have an idea of where I want it to go but I don't want to rush it because I'm having alot of fun with this so I'm sorry in advance if thsi next update takes a little longer than normal. Again thanks to all of you who are sticking by to read this story.
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